2:34 a.m. - 2002-12-03
Is it sane?
I was looking through my FTP sites, where I store all the files and images for my various webpages, including the pictures of all my Women's Lib ladies.
Among the pictures that I had stored in there, I found a picture of Minnie Mouse.
And a picture of Strawberry Shortcake.
Whoa....
A picture of Strawberry Shortcake on my computer could be potential blackmail material. It could be bad for my image, if somebody were to find it on my computer....It could destroy my career forever.
There's a reason, though, that I had pictures of Minnie Mouse and Strawberry Shortcake on my computer.
A long time ago, at the dawn of time, back when I used to be a nerd, I had a webpage devoted to Minnie Mouse.
A Minnie Mouse Fan Site....
Well, it wasn't JUST for Minnie Mouse.
It was for Russi Taylor...a voice actress who does voices for cartoons, including Minnie Mouse and Strawberry Shortcake. My cheesy Russi Taylor Fan Site is long gone now, but the Strawberry Shortcake and Minnie Mouse pictures remained.
Personally, I could care less about Strawberry Shortcake and Minnie Mouse. I'm more likely to admire Russi Taylor for doing the voices of Huey, Dewey, Louie, AND Webby on DuckTales.
Or Gonzo on Muppet Babies.
Or Martin, Uter, and Sherri & Terri (the purple-haired twins) on The Simpsons. She's on The Simpsons all the time, in fact. Check out the end credits. Most recently she did the voices of the termites in last Sunday's episode.
I pay attention to these things.
And, I started to reminisce about all my favorite cartoon voice actors when I found the picture of Minnie Mouse and Strawberry Shortcake in my FTP space. And, then to make matters worse, I was watching an old episode of G.I. Joe on Cartoon Network tonight, and in the end credits I saw the name Rob Paulsen.
Rob Paulsen?!
The same Rob Paulsen who did the voice of Yakko Warner on Animaniacs?! The same Rob Paulsen who did the voice of Pinky on Pinky & the Brain?! The same Rob Paulsen who did the voice of Raphael on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?!
You betcha.
And, so tonight, all these blast from the past cartoon voices were knocking me in the face. Memories of Russi Taylor. A reminder about Rob Paulsen...And I was lost in my thoughts. I began fading out of reality, staring blankly at my computer screen, remembering when I was a youngster and how I had always wanted to do cartoon voices, and how I had made it my mission in life to make the world acknowledge the greatness of the people who do cartoon voices for a living.
I was in a zombie-like state, thinking about the cartoon voices. The Russi Taylor-Rob Paulsen combo had hit me too hard. "If you gather any 100 cartoon characters together, chances are they consist of only about 7-10 voice actors," I began muttering to myself.
"And what about Tress MacNeille?" I asked myself. "Babs Bunny on Tiny Toons, Dot Warner on Animaniacs, Charlotte Pickles on Rugrats, the list goes on....everybody in the world has been entertained by Tress MacNeille's voice during one cartoon or another....and they don't even know her name."
I was drooling, by this point.....If anybody had seen me, they would've thought me to be dead. My eyes had a milky glaze over them, as I continued thinking about the cartoon voices.
When I snapped out of my cartoon daze, I turned my attention to internet porn, and I started looking for a nice picture to masturbate to. I was focusing my attention mainly on barely legal young ladies....and a couple sites of interracial sex.
The picture that finally did it for me was one of a young brunette girl laying on her back, spreading her anus open with her fingers.
It was a close-up view.
And, so, basically, if you could get inside my brain, and analyze the electrical impulses, and chart the intellectual thought processes as they bounced to and fro in my grey matter, my chain of thoughts went something like this:
Minnie Mouse....Strawberry Shortcake....cartoons....G.I. Joe....Pinky & The Brain....Babs Bunny....cheerleader with a spread-open asshole.
Don't ask me why the chain of thoughts in my brain led me from Minnie Mouse to masturbating to a young girl's spread-open asshole.
You don't want to know....
I don't want to know....
Let's keep it that way.
