8:45 p.m. - 2006-08-01
I Love You, Jesus!
Edgar Frog: Are you a real pastor?
UMPastor: yes, but I wonder some days. :-D LOL
Edgar Frog: Is it truly a sin to masturbate?
UMPastor: Well, I would need to know more Edgar before I could asnwer that question.
Edgar Frog: What do you need to know?
Edgar Frog: My penis size?
UMPastor: LOL nope don't need that
UMPastor: Age for example
UMPastor: are you married
UMPastor: how often
Edgar Frog: I am 27. Unmarried.
Edgar Frog: I masturbate probably about 12-15 times a day.
Edgar Frog: My problem is that I sometimes have dirty thoughts about Jesus. I am not homosexual though.
UMPastor: I must say that's one problem I've never run across before.
Edgar Frog: I wish I had been alive 2000 years ago. I think it his individuality that draws me towards him. I feel very bad, but sometimes when I masturbate, I imagine that Jesus is the one rubbing my penis.
UMPastor: In general I do not believe masturbation is sinful.
Edgar Frog: So it is okay to be turned on by the thought of the Lord returning to Earth to jerk me off?
UMPastor: Friend, I'm at a loss for words. That does not happen often.
Edgar Frog: What should I do?
Edgar Frog: I mean, if I was fantasizing about having sex with the Virgin Mary, that would be okay because she is a female at least. But my sexual fantasies are about Jesus.
UMPastor: Is it something that makes you uncomfortable, or guilty to think about?
Edgar Frog: A little of both.
UMPastor: What do you think you should do about it?
Edgar Frog: I mean, don't get me wrong, I would like to do sexual things to Mary, after all she was a virgin. But at least those are heterosexual thoughts.
UMPastor: If these thoughts and feeling bother you it would be an indication you may be wanting to take steps to do something.
Edgar Frog: For example, last night I was playing with my dog, it's a Jack Russell terrier. Just kinda rubbing him and making him happy, and then spreading Alpo dog food on my testicles and letting him lick it off......but the whole time, all I could think about was Jesus.
Edgar Frog: I wasn't even thinking of my dog. And I didn't know who to tell my problem to.
UMPastor: are you active in a church?
Edgar Frog: I go about once a month. I used to go more.
Edgar Frog: But after last night, I started really feeling guilty for thinking so much about the Lord, and ignoring Herbie in my thoughts. That's my dog.
Edgar Frog: Should I just pray for forgiveness?
UMPastor: Yes, if you want to be forgiven. But to do so would also be to admit there's someting wrong that you may need to work on.
Edgar Frog: I need to just stop thinking about Jesus in a sexual manner, and focus on the feelings of sexual ecstasy that my dog and I are able to give each other, don't you think?
UMPastor: Edgar, I think you may need more assistance than a pastor can give you. I am not equipped to help you in this matter.
Edgar Frog: Why not, Pastor?
UMPastor: Because I am not sure your problem is a spiritual one.
Edgar Frog: My thoughts are driving me nuts. Do you have any idea what it is like to have three fingers inside your dog's anus, and to be thinking about Jesus the entire time?
UMPastor: Edgar, you need some help. While those actions and thoughts may or may not be sinful the fact that you are a 27 year old man that masturbates 15 times a day, and has sex with his dog might indicate some problems that need to be addressed. At the very least it's odd behavior.
Edgar Frog: I don't have sex with my dog. He's too small.
UMPastor: If you really want my advice, it would be to find a counselor that can help you work through these issues.
Edgar Frog: You're right though. My behavior is odd. Especially since the dog is so small. I should probably buy a monkey or something that is a little closer to being human size, huh?
Edgar Frog: Like a chimp....I don't know, they are expensive though.
Edgar Frog: But at least I could actually have sex with a chimp, instead of having to use my fingers on him.
UMPastor: bye Edgar, get some help
