12:56 p.m. - 2004-09-20
My Birthday Cometh
So it's been more than a week since I added a new entry.
Big deal!
Boy, have I been busy.
Boy oh boy.
Boy oh boy oh boy!
I have a new Women's Lib entry that's ready and rarin' to go. Whenever I get around to posting it for everybody to read.
I'm also due for some new banner views here on Diaryland.....Which people can buy for me by clicking on the little "Give Edgar Frog a gift" link in My Profile.
Conveniently for me, everybody has a good reason to buy me stuff.
My birthday is coming up on October 3.
The third of October.
I will be 26.
I will be too old to write about the stuff that I write about, like child porn and bestiality and stuff like that.
I will certainly be too old to endorse my Whiskey For Kids Foundation.
As I get older, it is time for me to grow up, and for my diary to also take on a new level of maturity.
I need to start talking more about mortgages and APR's and stock portfolios and other grown-up things.
Just kidding...You are never too old to talk about child porn and goat fucking.
I am a grown-up now though....even moreso than before. I am closer to the age of 30 than I am to the age of 20.
Yikes!
So, as always, on October 3, I expect my e-mail box to be full of e-mails wishing me a happy birthday.
I will most certainly be dying of liver failure before I hit the age of 30, so wishing me a happy 26th birthday is really the least you can do, as a reader of my diary.
If anybody plans on buying me a bottle of Jack Daniel's for my birthday, I'll be damned if I'm giving you my mailing address.
Rather, I recommend that you just drive to Las Vegas, and place the whiskey bottle in an unmarked, brown bag next to the large, red dumpster in the alley behind the Luxor (on the southwest side of the casino).
I will retrieve it from that location.
Include a birthday card, if you'd like.
There are two red dumpsters there. One has clearly marked graffiti on it reading "Fuck Pulice".....Do not place the whiskey next to this dumpster.
Place it next to the other one. The one that has no writing on it.
The "Fuck Pulice" dumpster is commonly used as a toilet by local hobos. It is not uncommon for them to leave pickle jars full of human feces and Jack Daniel's bottles full of phlegm and urine laying around in brown bags near that dumpster.
The other dumpster is the one that I have chosen as my gift drop-off point.
For extra comical hilarity, I will close my eyes and drink out of the bottles that I pick up without even looking.
I might not even notice the difference, as far as taste is concerned.
I figure even if I do drink a bottle of hobo urine, I'll still probably get a good whiskey buzz.
I figure their urine must be about 80% whiskey anyways....
Good enough!
