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8:48 p.m. - 2004-04-08
The Positions of the Christ
Edgar Frog: Hi Christina, where do you live?

Edgar Frog: I see by your Member Profile that you're an actress and a Christian, and I'm looking for both.

Auto response from Sodabubble16: I am away from my computer right now.



Edgar Frog: Hey Kate, how old are you?

Edgar Frog: I'm looking for a religious actress in Tampa, FL.

Auto response from DreamerKT2: I am away from my computer right now.



To Nightowlssong

Edgar Frog: Hi

Edgar Frog: You're an actress in Orlando, Florida?

No response...



To GOD777WARRIOR

Edgar Frog: Hi

Edgar Frog: Are you there?

No response...



The list goes on and on....All I wanted to do was strike up a conversation with a passionate Christian.

If they were a Christian with acting experience, it would have been even better.

I didn't even care if they were a male or a female. It didn't matter to me where they lived either.

Wherever they said they lived, I could lie and say I lived there too.

But I'll be damned if I could get one single Christian person to respond to me during the better part of the last hour. They either ignored me, or they had their Away Messages on. They were all too busy for me.

I tried Instant Messaging church volunteers, priests, nuns, preachers, etc.

Not one response.

And then I couldn't even get regular ol' theatre students or drama majors to respond to me....although I was limiting myself to theatre students with a mention of their love for God and/or Jesus in their member profile.

The important thing, like I said before, is that they be religious....Christian, I mean. Or Catholic.

Acting experience would have just been a bonus.

I wish I could place an ad in the paper.

"Religious person needed for independent film. No acting experience necessary," it would say.

See, I was trying to find somebody with a religious background who could star in a small-budget, independent film that I'm going to be directing.

That's what I would've told them....if somebody had responded to me.

If they had responded to my IMs, I would've told them that I'm making a low-budget movie based on Mel Gibson's popular Passion of the Christ movie.

I needed both a male and a female, which is why I wasn't limiting myself to either sex while sending out my Instant Messages. I needed a male to portray Jesus in my movie, and a female to portray Mary.

It didn't even matter to me if they LOOKED like Jesus and Mary. Make-up and special effects could solve that problem.

What mattered to me was that the person have a Christian background, so that they're familiar with the work. Also, I believe, somebody with a love for Jesus and God would bring a necessary dramatic element to the film, that somebody else just wouldn't be able to bring.

They needed to be willing to work the better part of an afternoon, (possibly two afternoons) to film the movie.

It's a short film, and therefore wouldn't take long to film, I would've explained.

The other important thing is that the actor/actress be at least 18 years of age. There are so many child labor laws, I wouldn't want to deal with hiring a minor to be in my film. And, in Hollywood, it's called the Coogan Law which says that a kid can't work more than such-and-such hours per day.

That's no good....I need 12-14 hour shoots per day to do my film.

Which is why they would need to be at least 18 years old, I would've explained to them....if they had responded to my IMs.

Oh.....also, they'd have to be at least 18 years old because my film was going to be a porn version of Christ's story. I needed an actor and actress to portray Jesus and Mary having sex with each other in a barn.

Nudity would be required, obviously.

But...I couldn't get anybody to respond to my Instant Messages.

Maybe I'll try again another day.

Also, I'll need to ask the actor/actress if they know how big Jesus' penis was. I mean, if Jesus had a 7" penis, I wouldn't want an actor with a rinky-dink 5" penis to portray him in my film.

It would take away from the authenticity of the movie....and that's no good.

I'm going for total realism.

 

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