1:35 p.m. - 2004-01-11
Word to your mother!
Well, well, well...
If you've been wondering why I haven't added any new entries for the last two months, the answer is simple:
Prison.
A couple months ago, I was charged with two counts of murder for a crime I did not commit. Nobody believed my pleas of innocence, and I ended up at a maximum security prison with two life sentences. I immediately became friends with another guy while there, and he was able to hook me up with a rock hammer so I could carve chess pieces, and begin what would become a two-month endeavor to tunnel my way out of the jail cell. While I was there, I ended up getting on good terms with the prison guards because I did their taxes for them and gave each of them some financial advice. Eventually I was able to finish carving a tunnel out of my jail cell, and escape through the prison walls into a sewer pipe, where I crawled my way to freedom.
So here I am.
Lots of things have changed while I was redeeming myself in prison.
I now have a flask, which I can fill with whiskey and carry in my pocket anywhere I go. It was a Christmas present. I am sure it will be the cause of three things in the months to come: Public drunkenness, hysterical future diary entries, and my early death.
Also, I got a new pair of boobies for my Fan Club since my last diary entry.
Another change is that Diaryland now has a feature where readers can "buy Edgar Frog a gift". Diaryland's definition of a gift is that you can pay to upgrade my Diaryland account to a super-duper Gold account.
Who cares.
My idea of gifts are: Blowjobs, lap dances, whiskey, and money.
If any loyal readers are considering buying me an upgraded Diaryland account, take my other gift ideas into consideration first.
Also, if all my readers chipped in, you might all be able to afford a Plymouth Prowler for me.
Start a lemonade stand or something.
Go door to door selling magazine subscriptions.
So, I'm back for now, with all-new diary entries in the works, and all-new fun chat conversations and all that jazz.
It's going to be so fun, boys and girls.
I hope you'll visit my diary often and share in my ongoing adventures with me. And spread the word.
Oh, I forgot to mention one other big change that occurred while I was in prison:
I got a tattoo while I was in jail....actually, three little ones. They are three little teardrops under my eye.
One for each person I killed in prison.
They are so cute!
Mi vida loca!
