3:42 p.m. - 2003-07-25
Fun with patios
Man, I gotta start packing soon so I can make my big move to Vegas next Sunday.
I hope everybody who reads this will come visit me in my new apartment there.
It has a patio, and it's on the second story.
I have a feeling there will be many future entries about my patio. Me climbing it, me falling off it, etc.
20 foot drop or so.
There will be many nights of drunken whiskey-drinking in my new apartment, and the grass down below my patio will be fertilized with vomit often, I imagine.
One thing that really intrigues me about the patio, is that I will be able to sit out there, naked, with the warm night breeze blowing on my testicles, and masturbate unbeknownst to everybody.
I could even talk to people down below as I masturbate. They won't know. They'll just see my upper half, as my lower half will be hidden by the wooden railing.
I'll be like the neighbor on Home Improvement. Except I'll be masturbating.
They won't see my arms, but they might see my right shoulder moving up and down in a rapid motion.
"Why's your shoulder doing that?"
I'll just say, "Oh, I'm just applying some wood varnish to my patio is all."
One thing I was thinking about doing is laying a dartboard out on the grass below my patio, and right when I reach orgasm I can stand up on the edge of the railing and launch my semen out towards the dartboard.
It'll be late, don't worry. Nobody will see, I don't think.
My goal, obviously, would be a bullseye.
But even hitting one of the outer rings wouldn't be too shabby.
This could be done with vomit also, but I think semen would be easier to aim. As I get better at hitting the target, I can move the dartboard further away.
To test my distance, as well as my precision.
The edge of the railing on the patio is very narrow. I've already taken this into consideration. I'll have to be very careful when I stand up there to launch my semen over the edge. Sometimes when I orgasm, I have involuntary muscle spasms and twitches. I'd hate to be standing up there naked, ejaculating on to the dartboard, and have a spasm in my legs that causes me to fall back and crack my skull open.
I don't know what people would think the next morning, finding my nude body with an erection laying on the grass, blood all over, and nearby: a dartboard covered in semen.
Well....covered in semen, ASSUMING I hit the target.
Hey, if I can hit the damn bullseye while muscle spasming and falling to my death, then I deserve a damn medal.
I hope whoever found my body in the morning would put a gold medal around my penis.
It would be the one that deserves it....not me.
Also, everybody is welcome to come to my new apartment anytime and watch me try to hit the dartboard with my semen.
You can root me on.
I'm toying with the idea of throwing my own feces over the edge too.
Into a trash can or something that's positioned out on the grass below.
You know, like basketball, sort of.
Except with feces.
