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10:34 p.m. - 2003-06-05
Fun in the sun
Jesus, I almost forgot I had a diary.

What's it been, like 8 weeks since I added a new entry?

Or 5 days...or something like that?

Jesus....

I've been so BUSY lately!!

And I haven't even been drinking much or committing crimes.

Mostly I've been talking to a girl I have the hots for. We talk for hours and hours! I'm not even rude to her. I don't even say mean things to her! I just talk to her and be nice to her. I don't want to be mean to her when I talk to her. We talk and talk and talk.

No time for diary writing!

Boy, is she pretty!

Also, I've been busy dealing with LEGAL issues. Court settlements and what not. I've been going to court A LOT lately. For a whole year I've been going!

If you read my diary, you surely must think that somebody sued me for pissing on their children while drunk, or perhaps you think I'm being sued for drunkenly killing my parents in a whiskey-fueled, bloody rampage. Or that Jack Daniel's is suing me again for my Whiskey For Kids shirts.

But, surely, you must think I'm the defendant....With a future of community service ahead of me.

You'd be surprised!

I was actually the PLAINTIFF. I was the one who dragged the other person to court!

Surprise, surprise!

I actually sued somebody!

I'm turning into a fucking Jew!*

Last year, I quit my shitty job without notice and pissed my boss off. When payday rolled around, my final paycheck didn't get deposited into my account like it should have. I called my boss to ask him where my final paycheck was and he said "Fuck you" and hung up.

He used the F word!

The amount he owed me was $120...It was only ONE day's worth of pay!!

He didn't want to pay me because he was mad!

This was last May.

Now....one year later, after a kajillion meetings with the Labor Commissioner and a kaguillion trips to the California Labor Board, I just this week got a result.

I won.

The Labor Commissioner decided my old boss had to pay me what he owed me PLUS penalty fees.

This is how much he had to pay me:

$2,880.00

On Tuesday I got a check in the mail from my old boss. It was made out to me.

Two thousand eight hundred and eighty dollars and 00/100 cents.

I win!

Court is fun.

He had to pay me $2,880 this June....Because he didn't pay me $120 last June.

I love the Labor Commissioner.

Plus, when I think about the Labor Commissioner, it makes me think about Commissioner Gordon in Batman.

I don't know if that's good or bad.

I have lots of money now.

I'm going BACK to Vegas this weekend, even though I was just there. I'm driving there tomorrow night.

It should be fun. The nights will be filled with whiskey and roulette.....And with $2,880, the sky's the limit.

I know that while I'm driving through the Mojave Desert towards Vegas, and even once I get into town and drive along the Strip, I'm going to be surrounded by kids zooming around in their Mitsubishi Lancers and their Honda Civics. It's all the rage in Vegas!

I'll be driving there in my rental car...a Dodge Neon.

I'm hoping that this time I'll be able to kill some Asian kid who zooms past me in his rice burner.

Those little Asian kids in their souped-up Civics are way 2 fast and 2 furious for me. They drive so reckless! I always pray for them to crash and die when they zoom past me.

And since I have a rental car this weekend, there's no reason I can't sideswipe one of the little Asian bastards, and cause him to flip his little Jap car and burst into flames and die.

No skin off my back.

And, with $2,880 in my pocket, I'll hopefully be able to pay any witnesses to be hush-hush about the little incident. Probably even pay off the cops so I can get away scot free.

Anyways, who cares if ONE little Asian kid in a Honda Civic dies? There's a billion more where he came from.**

Money is sort of cool.

So is whiskey.

Thank god for Las Vegas. Vegas always gives me money and whiskey whenever I'm there.

I always make sure to give a little back before I leave though.

Since I'm such a nice guy.

And when I give the whiskey back to Vegas, I usually even include other stomach contents along with it, such as food and bile.....as an added bonus.

And I always try to give back at least 5 times the amount of money that it gave me.

I'm a very generous person.

Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.





* Racial Humor, courtesy of E.F.

** More Racial Humor, courtesy of E.F.

 

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