12:19 a.m. - 2003-04-16
One Fine Day
I was looking through my closet just now, hoping maybe there was a porn video in there that I had forgotten about, or perhaps a misplaced bottle of whiskey.....
Something useful...
Instead, I found a bunch of old photos of myself...of my life, in general. They are all mixed and matched, jumbled and bumbled, and so they are by no means in chronological order. For instance, there is a picture of me in 3rd grade playing with He-Man toys, and it's in the same envelope as a picture of me partying in Germany, which was just last year.
There are old class photos of myself in elementary school, mixed in with photos of me at the porn convention in Las Vegas a few years ago.
It's like time traveling.
It's like The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones....
Little Edgar and Current Edgar all rolled up in the same envelope.
Jumbled and bumbled....
I found a picture of me from 1991, in Roslyn, Washington....a.k.a. Cicely, Alaska.
Roslyn, Washington is where they filmed the TV show "Northern Exposure", for those who don't know.
In the photo, I am standing in front of Dr. Fleischman's office! I'm wearing Los Angeles Lakers shorts, and they don't even go past my knees.
Nerdy!
But that was okay in 1991.
The Los Angeles Whatkers? Are they a basketball team or something? Is Kareem still with them?
Beats me....
This is the most heartwarming photo of little me that I found. It is dated August 1984. I was six years old:
Isn't it precious?
Isn't it the most adorable little picture of little ol' me?
It's heartwarming, isn't it? I was only SIX!
But, don't get that warm & fuzzy feeling just yet....
Because, flipping past that photo, I immediately came to another picture, dated August 2000.....16 years later!
It was a picture of my erect penis being shoved into a girl's mouth!
.....Jesus Christ!
She was giving me a blowjob in the front seat of my car. We were both drunk.
I took the photo!
So, if any detectives are trying to figure out exactly WHEN Satan took control of my brain, I just helped them out.
I just narrowed it down to a 16-year window of opportunity.
Pretty soon, we'll have it narrowed down to the EXACT DAY when Satan took control of me....
The day when I first said, "Goodbye to playing with He-Man toys and wearing Lakers shorts.....Hello to getting drunk and ejaculating on to women's panties at the laundromat."
Ah yes...That was a good day.
