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11:09 p.m. - 2003-03-27
Edgar Frog's 200th Entry Celebration
If you're keeping track, this is my 200th entry. Two hundred entries of Edgar Frog filth for the history books.......

Somewhere, a history teacher is crying.

And, I figured that all my unappreciative fans who never e-mail me or send me comments deserved something SPECIAL for my 200th entry.

I figured that my thankless fans deserved one of two things for my 200th diary entry:

Either a diary entry which depicts an actual photo of my penis, for all of my female readers to feast their eyes on......Or Women's Lib XII....

My last Women's Lib entry, I realized, was in December of 2002. Three months ago.

This was supposed to be a monthly feature. Don't blame me. I'm just the fountain through which young girls speak. I'm like a prophet who let's the voice of God speak through him....

I'm like Joan of Arc.

The cute and cuddly young girls voice their thoughts about wretched topics through my diary.....So, if three months pass without a new Women's Lib entry, then you gotta blame the cute and cuddly girls of the world.

Don't blame me.

Don't shoot the messenger.

Because, as always, I'm accepting volunteers all the time. The only requirement is that you be a cute & cuddly girl and send me a photo of your lovable, little, cutie patootie, sweet, little, sweetie-pie self.....

Whoa....Sorry, I was getting carried away there....

Cute and cuddly volunteers who wish to write a Women's Lib entry can send their picture to [email protected]....

My Women's Lib entries, of course, are a "monthly" feature where I get a random cute female to write about the disgustingly filthy topic of my choice.

It'd be like if God told Joan of Arc to tell the French people about his anal warts.

This month's Women's Lib author is a lovable 16-year-old girl from Maryland named Tina. Another milestone, incidentally....She's the first ASIAN Women's Lib author....and possibly the most literate. Groundbreaking!

And although the topic of flatulation was already done way back in Women's Lib 3, faithful readers will remember that the photo of my original flatulation girl was lost....So, to this day, flatulation has been the only Women's Lib topic without a cute and cuddly face to go along with it.

But, not anymore.

Plus, I wasn't really sure if Asian girls DID flatulate.....or, as I call it, "break wind".....so I asked her to write about it.

She'll explain the rest....

But first, since I love my readers so much, and since this is my 200th entry and all, I've decided to give my fans BOTH of the things they deserve....
So, here's an actual photo of my penis:

Groundbreaking!

And now, Women's Lib XII:



Everyone knows that flatulation comes in many forms. There's the soundless fart that smells like hell, the ear-splitting trumpeter that's oddly scentless, the minute-long stinker that's pretty much just a series of small stink bombs one after the other, and let's not forget my all time favorite: the infamous gurgler.

The gurgler, as I call it, is the kind of fart that announces the onset of diarrhea. It begins as a series of small gas bubbles that build up in the general stomach area; you can actually feel the little things forming, creating pressure and making you feel gross and bloated as they slowly expand.

Once the bubbles build up to a certain point they start to pop, and as old bubbles pop, new ones form; this popping and bubbling process creates the gurgling you feel in your stomach. Often times the gurgling is loud enough to be heard by the people around you, and the gassy, bloated feeling is generally uncomfortable enough to make you squirm and thrash around in you seat or bed or wherever you happen to be.

Anyway, when I was in the eighth grade, I had a horrible experience with the "gurgler". I was in the middle of taking a test in science class when I felt my stomach start to heave and churn. Now, I couldn't very well go to the bathroom at that moment, could I?After all, I was a goody-two-shoes little Asian girl, and doing well on tests was more important to me than taking care of my physiological needs. So I opted to wait it out, naively thinking that the bubbles would go away.

They didn't, of course, and I wasn't even half way done with the test before I was squirming and shifting in my seat as my stomach cramped and churned, the bubbles inside forming and exploding like fucking fireworks. I swear to God the gurgling was loud enough to be heard by the whole goddamned classroom, because people kept turning around and staring at me.

Anyhow, I eventually gave up trying to ignore the "gurgler" and frantically scribbled answers down on the test before running out of the classroom towards the bathroom. It's a good thing the hallway was empty at the time, or many an innocent victim would have fallen at the mercy of the stink bombs that persisted in emerging from my ass no matter how hard I tried to hold them in.

When I finally made it to the bathroom, I had the worse case of diarrhea I'd ever had up to then and ever since. You know the saying that everyone likes the smell of their own shit? Whoever said that was a fucking moron, because let me tell you the smell of the "gurgler" plus shit was horrible; it was reminiscent of rotten eggs, moldy sponges and overripe cheese. The putrid scent grabbed at the nostrils and pervaded entire girls' bathroom though I tried to fan it out with a few wet paper towels.

I pity the girl who had to use the bathroom after me, because even now, four years later, I can still remember the odor, and I am ashamed that such foulness came from my cute,cuddly little Asian body. You'd think an Asian girl, who eats almost nothing but rice, tofu and fruit wouldn't have problems with indigestion, but I guess not, huh?

But anyway, the moral of this story is: when you start to feel a gurgling in your stomach, you should always head straight to the bathroom, because in my long experience with flatulation, this has never failed to signal the arrival of a huge, noxious pile of shit.



Jesus Christ.......

After reading that, it made me almost want to hate all females. I was briefly considering turning gay so that I wouldn't have to deal with such stink monsters.....But I decided that the homosexual way of life was not for me.

So, instead of hating all women because of this diary entry, I'm just going to hate all Asians from now on.

Stinky Japs.

Yeah...You know how I said earlier that I was like Joan of Arc, the way she served as a messenger of God, and I serve as a messenger of cute, cuddly females...? Well, I have a feeling that her and I have something else in common....

For some reason, I have a feeling that it won't be long until I'm burned at the stake for one reason or another.

I regret nothing.

 

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