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6:56 p.m. - 2003-03-22 I never paid it, of course. In fact, I ripped the ticket up, fully expecting to regret my action later...fully expecting a letter in the mail notifying me of my unpaid ticket, with a late fee probably added to the original fine. But....Here it is mid-March, almost 6 months later...and I haven't heard a word from anybody. I guess I don't have to pay the ticket... Last month I received another parking ticket....I sent the ticket back to the city with "FUCK YOU" written across it in rather large, capital letters. I thought I might regret my action later....Surely, I thought it must be illegal to write "FUCK YOU" on a ticket when you send it back to City Hall. But, I never heard one word fom them either. I guess they didn't mind. Maybe the law is afraid of me. I have an uncanny knack for escaping law enforcement. I've never been pulled over for drunk driving, for instance, although it is a weekly habit of mine. Last night, for example, while going down a freeway on-ramp, I plowed off the asphalt and off-roaded through some shrubbery in order to get to the freeway quicker. Common practice for me. It's like I'm above the law. I can never get caught. That's my theory, anyways.... So, I'm not too worried about the half-full bottle of Heineken that I dumped into a public mailbox last night, spilling beer on all the envelopes enclosed. Mostly bills probably.....possibly some postcards.....perhaps a few letters from parents to their children fighting overseas. And, I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming that an open bottle of Dutch beer, spilling 11 fluid ounces of its contents on to the envelopes inside a mailbox, will pretty much smear all the ink and destroy everything. Tampering with U.S. mail.... It's a felony. But, my defense in court would be that I wasn't purposely trying to destroy everybody's mail....I was trying to mail the Heineken bottle to myself. It's just that I forgot to leave the bottle unopened.... Sorry..... Oh...and I forgot to put an address label on it... And a stamp.... Mistakes happen.
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