11:44 p.m. - 2003-03-09
I'm gonna get you sucka
I'm so glad that Chelsea Clinton got a $100,000 a year job. It's good to see that she'll be successful in life.
I was a little worried about her.
Bless her heart.
I can't wait until the war in Iraq starts. I love wars. My favorite part of wars are all the free ribbons that everybody hands out for me to wear on my shirt. I loved all the yellow ribbons I got during the Gulf War.
I love ribbons. They are so pretty! And if it wasn't for wars and diseases, we wouldn't get to wear them on our shirts ever.
I'm glad that George W. Bush is trying his hardest to start a war....He must like wearing ribbons on his shirt too.
Bless his heart.
Maybe he'll try to invent a new kind of cancer too...then we can wear ANOTHER ribbon!
My favorite national news story, of all the national news stories, is the one about how North Korea's nuclear weapons are capable of hitting the west coast of the United States.
It's true.
But who cares about the west coast?! Why does the United States need TWO coasts anyways? Isn't one enough?
Good riddance.
I feel sorry for the schmucks in L.A. and San Francisco and Seattle and Portland and whatever other cities are on the west coast that get blown up by North Korea......While their faces are melting from the radiation, I'll be relaxing in a hammock, drinking an ice cold lemonade, here at home in San Diego, California.....I've never actually looked on a map, but San Diego is near Kansas, right?
But seriously folks....I have a dreadful feeling that Johnny Law is out to get me. Recently I found out that Jack Daniel's may very well sue me because of my Whiskey For Kids merchandise.
But, I think it goes even higher. I think the conspiracy goes to the upper levels of the government. I've escaped the law too many times, and terrorized too many people while drinking whiskey. Not to mention that AOL has failed to crack down on my Fan Club, which depicts bare breasts and buttocks.
I think the government wants revenge.
And recently I was looking at the Pentagon's website, which led me to the Library of Congress, and I was downloading government papers.
You're allowed to.
It's called the Freedom of Information Act.
And I found this document in the Pentagon's archives:
That's sorta weird.
