12:50 p.m. - 2002-11-20
The Wonderland Riots
Yesterday my acting class was delayed because they were using the theater to perform a stage production of Alice in Wonderland.
There were elementary school kids everywhere....1st graders, I'm guessing. They were on a field trip to see Alice in Wonderland.
My acting class waited out in the grass for the Alice in Wonderland play to end, and then when it did, out came all the little elementary school kids. Running all around in the grass. Hiding behind bushes with peanut butter & jelly smeared all over their mouths. The teachers couldn't control them. It was madness.
The actors from Alice in Wonderland also left the theater, and most stayed in costume. They even stayed in character. So, the White Rabbit, the Queen, the Cheshire Cat, etc., were all out there talking to the kids. Staying in character the whole time.
The kids couldn't believe their fucking eyes.
And, then it turned into the Wonderland version of the L.A. Riots. Kids started chasing the Mad Hatter all around trying to steal his hat, they were lifting up the Queen's dress and tugging on her hair; I saw one kid kick the guy playing the Mock Turtle in the ass.
I was almost expecting to see, at one point, the Cheshire Cat laying unconscious on the ground, as the 7-year-old kids threw bricks at his head.
I didn't trust any of the little bastards.
I bet at least 25% of them were packing heat. You can't trust kids nowadays. I bet they all had gats tucked into their little Osh Kosh B'Gosh pants.
"Lift your Pokemon shirt up, kid. I want to make sure you don't have a gun taped to your chest."
The Mock Turtle, staying in character, had to be sad the whole time. Meanwhile, the little kids were tugging at his turtle shell, kicking him in the ass.....He stayed sad. What a performance!
The Mad Hatter, by that point, had been chased halfway across the college campus by a mob of crazed kids.
I don't know what happened to him....but I imagine the kids caught him and beat him senseless. I'm sure one of the kids pulled out a shank and stabbed him in the gut. I can't prove anything, but I'm willing to bet that the cute little 1st graders worked together as a team to take turns kicking him in the head until his skull caved in.
I overheard one of the cute little bastards talking to another 1st grader later. He asked, "Did you see me chasing the hat guy?"
He was proud of the madness he had helped to start! He felt no remorse. No pity. He was the ringleader of the gang, I'm assuming.
I never saw the girl who played Alice out there. She might've been smart and changed out of her costume immediately after the show. Otherwise, the little kids probably would've gang-raped her.
The teachers had no control. It was anarchy.
The funny thing is that I was originally going to audition for Alice in Wonderland. I wanted to be in it. I wanted to be either the Cheshire Cat or the Mad Hatter....I ended up not auditioning because it wouldn't have worked out with my busy schedule.
But, if I had gotten the part of an Alice in Wonderland character, I sure as hell wouldn't have taken any shit from those kids.
I have a feeling the chaos would've come to an end as soon as I picked up one of the 1st graders and started bashing his little head against a brick wall.
"Teacher, teacher!! The Mad Hatter is killing Billy."
"Don't fuck with the hat guy! He's going crazy!"
Any 1st grader who kicked me in the ass or tugged at my turtle shell or pulled my tail or tried stealing my hat or anything like that, would end up with his head smashed against a wall.
"Quit trying to grab my hat, you little cocks!", I'd yell at them. I'd probably slit one of their throats....as a lesson to the others.
As I'm smashing the kid's little head on the bricks, I'd turn towards the other kids, with blood dripping from my mouth, and growl at them. What a story they'd have to tell their parents when they got home.
"Mommy, mommy!! Today we went on a field trip, and we saw Alice in Wonderland, and after the show the Mad Hatter killed Billy, and then he growled at me and spit blood on my face!"
I should've auditioned for it. I wish I had. I should've done it...for the sake of the kids. The children are our future, you know.
Cute little motherfuckers.
