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1:31 a.m. - 2002-10-03
Did I mention that OJ Simpson was found \"not guilty\" on this day?
Good lord.....is it here already?!

October 3rd?!

That's right. Today is the 33rd birthday of Gwen Stefani...the lead singer of No Doubt.

AND.....Neve Campbell, of "Scream" and "Party of Five" fame, is turning 29 today.

And, 24 years ago today, I was born. Gwen was turning 9 that day, and Neve was the big number 5.

I was born at 10 p.m. PST.....so, at the young ages that they were, I imagine that both Neve and Gwen were sleeping peacefully in their beds somewhere at the exact minute I was born....I'm sure by 10 p.m. PST, they had both already gone nighty-night after a big day of birthday parties.

Happy birthday ladies....

For my birthday last year, my wish was for an African tribeswoman that I could have as a pet. I wanted to name her Zulu Lulu.

I never did get my wish.....but, now I'm glad. Zulu Lulu probably would've brought the West Nile Virus into my house. I don't want Zulu Lulu anymore. Somebody else can have her.

Every birthday, I always try to buy myself something nice. This year, I bought myself new boxer shorts. Boy, are they beautiful...

And snug!

I bought some golf-themed boxers. One pair is dark blue with little pictures of golf clubs all over them. The other pair of boxers is green, with golf balls depicted all over them.

You should see them.

I've never played a round of golf in my life....Nor do I have any interest in the game of golf.

But that doesn't matter. I love my golf boxers anyways.

At least it's one less set of golf boxers that Tiger can buy. You know he collects golf boxers. I bet he wants to hoard the entire worldwide golf boxer market. I bet he's trying to collect them all. Every pair of golf boxer shorts ever made....

Well, you can't have mine, Tiger!! I got them first! I beat you to them, you motherfucker!!

Go get your own goddamned golf boxers, Tiger, you son of a bitch!

.....

I have to calm down....

I get very aggravated when I think about Tiger Woods trying to steal my golf boxers.

Incidentally, I feel much the same way about my boxers as I feel about women. This is what my golf boxers...and women...have in common:

I want to rub my face on both of them, I like to smell them both everyday, I want them to snuggle tightly around my waist, I like it when they're flexible, I want their soft touch to rub against my testicles all day long...and at the end of the night I want to shoot a load of semen all over them and throw them in my dirty clothes pile.

Alright, alright....all the similarities are accurate pretty much, except for the "dirty clothes pile" part.

Obviously, that part doesn't work for BOTH boxers AND women....

I wouldn't REALLY throw a pair of semen-stained boxers in the dirty clothes pile...

They'd still have at least 2-3 days worth of wear in them before they were dirty, as far as I'm concerned.

It's just semen, for god's sake....it's not rhinoceros shit.

 

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