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2:29 a.m. - 2002-08-13
This one goes out to all my fans...
I don't want to give you the wrong idea.

In my last entry, I joked about how I nearly fell off a cliff to my death. I don't want to give you the false impression that it was fun and games.

I almost died.

It got me thinking, though, about my own mortality and my inevitable death which could be awaiting me anyday. One thing I was wondering was this: If I died, how would my Diaryland "fans"...or anybody that I talk to on AOL, for that matter...know that I had died?

All that would happen is new entries would suddenly stop appearing in my diary. I'd stop signing on to AOL. Online friends of mine would stop receiving e-mail from me. People would assume I was on vacation...Eventually they'd become bored with the lack of diary updates and stop reading my diary altogether. After a while, they'd forget I ever even existed.

They'd never even know that I was decapitated by a low-flying vulture, or that I had fallen off a horse and landed in a pool of lava, or that my penis had imploded in my sleep causing me to bleed to death, or that my intestines had exploded and I had choked on my own feces....or however I die.

So, I've decided to make out a Last Will & Testament...and I'm going to assign one piece of my property to be given to each fan of my diary, to each Diaryland member who has me listed as one of their favorites, to each person on my Buddy List, and to everybody in my e-mail address book....

I haven't written it yet....But I'll work on it.

I'll figure something out.

I'm thinking of just donating a cup of my semen to each of my female fans upon my death...and, I'll even choose one lucky young lady who can have my cryogenically frozen penis....that she can display on her mantel or keep on her nightstand, or whatever.

For all the guys, I don't know...Maybe each guy can have a pair of my socks. Or one of my MAD magazines.

Or, you know, I could give my boxers away. They're relatively clean. I'd hate to see my boxers go to waste when I die.

Don't worry, ladies, it would be unfair for me to give ALL my boxers to the guys...I know some of you will want my boxers also. So, I'll split it up so that my boxers are evenly distributed amongst the genders.

I'll probably have to flip a coin though...or, everybody's just going to have to share.

I guess the guys can have the green boxers that I wear on Monday/Wednesday/Friday and the ladies can have the Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday boxers with the purple stripes.

I don't wear any boxers on Sunday.

I let my balls hang loose for the Lord.



Speaking of Diaryland dummies who have me listed as one of their favorite diaries, here's a bonus chat conversation, between myself and the author of bonusmeat.diaryland.com:



Edgar Frog: I have 41 people listing me as their favorite diary. Isn't that absurd?

Old ham radio: yes

Old ham radio: do i have any people

Old ham radio: no

Edgar Frog: You have like 3 people, I think.

Old ham radio: no sir

Edgar Frog: 4

Edgar Frog: Me, Kyle, Brian, and chainsawprom

Old ham radio: i have no one

Edgar Frog: Look at this shit: People who listed me as one of their "favorite" diaries

Old ham radio: how do you read their commentary

Edgar Frog: Click on their profile.

Edgar Frog: Generally, they just say I am funny, gross, and an asshole.

Old ham radio: this guy says your "still offensive" like hes gave you time to win his heart or some shit

Edgar Frog: No shit....

Edgar Frog: Some other guy says I'm funny but I am not his friend on AOL.

Old ham radio: "i dont know this guy but hes funny as hell"

Edgar Frog: Sweet.

Old ham radio: "this guy is fucking hillarious. i wish he had a guestbook, so i could tell him that he has the symptoms of syphillis. hahahahahaha"

Edgar Frog: Such a schmuck.

Old ham radio: comments: "I want to marry this man!!! But he has issues.....deep seated get comfy this is gonna take awhile issues..."

Edgar Frog: I should visit her and fuck her in the ass.

Old ham radio: comments: "wow... thats all i can say... wow..."

Edgar Frog: 8-)

Old ham radio: that ones from silly marci

Old ham radio: fuckin' whore

Edgar Frog: She's referring to the size of my dick.

Old ham radio: comments: "funny in a way that makes you ashamed to think it's funny - definitely not for wussies"

Edgar Frog: My favorite is what flash-she wrote.....

Edgar Frog: "the absolute best craziest sexiest guy in the world. Thats right, i said world."

Edgar Frog: I think they all have accurate descriptions of me.

 

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