12:54 a.m. - 2002-07-01
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance....
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance....
I hope you dance....I hope you dance!
Man, I've been singing that song to myself for about the last week and a half. You know the song I'm talking about? It's totally stuck in my head.
I'm particularly fond of singing it out loud to myself in the shower.
It's really starting to worry me.
Speaking of which....I went to Disneyland the other day to audition to be a costumed character. There was about 100 other people there to audition, mostly little cheerleaders and flamboyantly gay high school boys.
Looking around I noticed that I was (A.) the only person there over the age of 19 and (B.) the only heterosexual male there.
But, I didn't care. I was there to audition for Goofy.
I found out, though, that the costumed characters get paid between $6.75-$8.00 per hour. Not enough for me...but I decided to stay anyways and audition just for fun.
You have to go through a Disney boot camp of sorts, to become a costumed character. First is a dance audition, then an improv audition, then an interview....and if you survive all those, you get to come back the next day and do improv training in costume. You actually get to wear a Disney costume the second day!
First, though, was the dance audition. They showed us this long-ass, complex dance routine that involved combinations of the hula, the swim, the jerk, surfing moves, Ricky Martin style ass wiggling, and all sorts of other shit...all to the tune of "Wipeout".
I could hardly remember the dance routine, but doing it with 100 other kids, I was able to hide in the back of the group and just copy the girls near me.
I was trying my hardest! I was doing the hula, and shaking my booty, and everything else!
Man, was I trying!
But then, they made everybody sit down, and they called 5 people up at a time to do the dance routine in front of everybody else....and in front of a panel of judges who would judge your rhythm, timing, movement, etc.
Being a white male, I have no rhythm. I could hardly even remember the dance routine. I kept doing the hula when I was supposed to do the swim, I kept doing the swim when I was supposed to wiggle my booty....
I'll be damned if I was going to get in the middle of the stage, in front of 100 other kids and a panel of judges and try to successfully do a Disney dance routine.
I just want to wear a Goofy costume and walk around Disneyland hugging tourists. I don't want to be a fucking NSYNC backup dancer.
So, I went and sat in the hall during the dance routine, and ended up leaving the audition early.
Given the choice to sit it out or dance.....I chose to sit it out.
Lee Ann Womack would be ashamed.
She's the country singer who sings that "I Hope You Dance" song I was talking about.
I'm not sure why I know that.
But, I would tell Lee Ann Womack, if I met her, "Don't be mad that I sat it out....I really wanted to dance for Disney, but I just couldn't do it."
I just couldn't do that dance routine.
Wait a minute...did I just mention Lee Ann Womack and say that I wanted to "dance for Disney" in the same sentence?
Jesus Christ....now I'm really worried. I'm beginning to question my own sexuality.
What the hell is wrong with me?
If this nonsense continues, I'll have to buy myself a rainbow-colored headband and some hot pink spandex pants to wear.
