10:28 p.m. - 2002-05-19
Hasta la Vista, Baby
Today should've been called "Naked Children at the Beach Day"...
Today at the beach I saw no fewer than four...count 'em, FOUR...bare naked kids running around with their little asses and genitalia exposed to the world.
One family was washing off two of their sand-covered children in one of the public showers that line the edge of the boardwalk. One of the children was a young boy, probably about one year old, so his exposed penis was not too offensive to the general public.
The interesting thing to me was that the young naked girl appeared to be at least five years old.
Granted...too young to have pubic hair or breasts or anything of that sort, but still way too old, in my opinion, to be blatantly naked at a public beach.
I have some kind of Naked Kid Radar when I go to the beach. No matter what I'm doing or which direction I'm looking, a little naked child's ass always pops into my line of vision.
Like I have some kind of superpower to magically detect naked kids and involuntarily look in their direction.
It's more of a curse than a superpower, actually.
I don't go out of my way to see little bare buttocks and genitalia.
I like to visually investigate the beach. I like to people watch. So, I usually do a 360-degree scope-out of the area, checking for women in bikinis and other visual eye-candy...making a mental note of the interesting things I see...Something like, "Ah, there's a girl laying on her back tugging the thong out of her ass...over there is a tough-looking gangsta walking a french poodle on a purple leash...oooh, look at the paint job on that car over there...wow, check out the boobies bouncing on that jogging lady over there....that guy flying that Garfield kite sure has one hell of a hairy back...wow, look at that girl in the purple thong over by AAAAAAHHHHHHH NAKED TWO-YEAR-OLD GIRL IN MY LINE OF VISION. PRE-PUBESCENT VAGINA I DIDN'T MEAN TO SEE. BARE CHILD BUTTOCKS FULLY EXPOSED TO MY EYEBALLS!!!!"
I feel like a droid visually investigating the area, and then some glitch in the program pops up. Like in the movies Terminator and Robocop, when it would show stuff from their point of view, and you could see thermal sensors and statistics on everything, and everything was clearly labeled.
And then some family pops up out of nowhere with a naked 3-year-old girl, and the mother is splashing water on to the young girl's vagina.
If I was Robocop or Terminator, I would self-destruct at this point. Smoke would start coming out of my circuits, and my whole electrical system would shut down. I'd fall to the ground in a seizure, muttering "NAKED CHILD. MALFUNCTION. BARE BUTTOCKS. PRE-PUBESCENT GENITALIA. MALFUNCTION. MALFUNCTION"...
They should use that idea in Terminator 3. It should be the only way to defeat Terminator. Bullets and fire and explosions are no good.
You just need to throw a three-year-old girl's bare buttocks into Termie's line of vision.
