1:16 p.m. - 2002-03-08
Dear God
Dear God,
I'm sure you already know, but I lost my little list of phone numbers recently. The little folded-up piece of paper that I kept in my wallet that had EVERY person's phone number on it that I've ever met in my entire life. Old friends from Vegas, family members, job connections, bar sluts, etc.
I'm sure you had something to do with it.
Why did you make me lose that piece of paper? I don't remember any of those numbers, God. And now I can't even call my own dad. Or contact some of my old friends when I go visit Vegas this summer.
What's the point of memorizing phone numbers when you have a piece of paper in your wallet? It's not like I ever expected you to make me lose it.
It wasn't very nice of you, God.
But, we might as well make the best of a bad situation.....so, can you please make sure that whoever finds my list of phone numbers is some drugged-up, phone sex junkie who gets off on calling random people so that he can make obscene sounds with his tongue and masturbate while he asks the other person what color underwear they are wearing.
I know there must be people in the world like that...and it would be highly comedic, I think, if some of the people whose phone numbers were on my list were subjected to this kind of sexual harassment.
Oh, and make him be a transvestite too, ok?
No need for him to randomly pick numbers out of the phone book anymore. My little list of phone numbers will be like a treasure for him to find.
Thanks God.
Sincerely,
Edgar Frog
