1:22 a.m. - 2002-02-06
Good Grief!
Here's my impression of why Charlie Brown would be quickly apprehended by police, if he and the other Peanuts kids decided to rob a bank together....to, let's say, fund their new Christmas play:
Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Sally, and Violet walk into a bank, guns drawn. They are all wearing ski masks over their faces to hide their identities. Schroeder is waiting outside in an unmarked van.
CHARLIE BROWN: Everybody on the fucking ground now! This is a robbery!
LINUS: (Talking to Violet and Lucy) Girls, move into positions! I'm going back to the vault! If any pigs roll up, let us know.
(Linus runs to the back of the bank.)
SALLY: (Sighing) Oh, isn't he the cutest thing?...Okay, well, I'm going down to the basement to cut off electricity to the place. I'll handle the phone lines and the silent alarms.
VIOLET: I got the front doors under control! Nobody's coming in, or going out! If any of these fuckers move, shoot them in the goddamn head!
CHARLIE BROWN: (To Lucy) Hurry up, Christmas Queen, start getting the cash out of the registers!
LUCY: (Hopping the counter with a trash bag in her hand) Listen up, ladies and gentlemen! I want every worker here to open up their register, and start putting all the cash in this bag. Make any sudden moves, I shoot you.
CHARLIE BROWN: (Talking to Linus on a walkie-talkie) This is Alpha Unit to Delta Unit. How we doing with the vault back there? Let's make this quick. Over.
LINUS: (On the walkie-talkie) I'm going as fast as I can. Just keep the exits to this place secure. Is the Piano Man in position with the van? Over.
CHARLIE BROWN: (To Violet) Miss Purple, can you see the Piano Man out there? Where's the van? What's going on out there?
VIOLET: I don't see the Piano Man anywhere. You were in charge of the getaway plan, Charlie Brown, not me.
CHARLIE BROWN: (Looks at Violet and makes a slashing motion against his throat) Good grief! Ixnay on saying my ealray amenay!!
LUCY: (From behind the counter) Charlie Brown, you blockhead, this trash bag just ripped from the weight of all this money! You were in charge of the bag...Is this cheap, plastic trash bag the best you could get, Charlie Brown?
VIOLET: Charlie Brown....of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.
CHARLIE BROWN: Quit saying my real name, you fucking bitches!
