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12:04 a.m. - 2001-11-23
Damn dirty pilgrims
So, I was eating dinner on Thanksgiving, and reading a magazine about sex topics written for women. It had articles such as "How to tell if your man is cheating on you", and "How to get multiple orgasms anytime, everytime"...So, naturally, I wanted to read it and try to figure out the female mind. Plus, I wanted to know how to give a girl multiple orgasms.

The multiple orgasm article was fubar, but then I stumbled upon an article which was about different ways a girl can sexually satisfy a man. It had a long, rather detailed article about how to give a good blowjob. I read that one and agreed with many of the points it was making.

Then I read something odd.

Snuggled deep within the "How to Sexually Satisfy Your Man" article was a little article about fist-fucking. I was reading the blowjob article when I saw the phrase "fist-f***ing" typed a few paragraphs underneath what I was reading. So, I skipped down to that section.

"Finally," I thought, "a woman's magazine acknowledges the fact that the main way to satisfy a man is to let him shove his fist in her vagina."

I have been trying to convince girls of this for years.

But as I began to read, I came upon this sentence: "Make sure that your hand is properly lubricated with K-Y Jelly before inserting it into his anus."

What the fuck...

It wasn't an article about a man fisting a girl's vagina, it was about a woman fisting a guy's ass.

It said to slowly loosen his anus with one finger, before inserting the 2nd finger. It said to make sure your nails are trimmed. I couldn't believe what my eyes were reading. It was more foul than anything I've ever written in my diary.

I was eating Thanksgiving dinner while I read it.

It was a legitimate American women's magazine too. It wasn't some imported porn trash from Tijuana. It had Helen Hunt on the cover.

It was an enlightening article though, because it made me stop and think, and appreciate life, which was appropriate enough for Thanksgiving. As I ate my mashed potatoes, I paused for a moment, and gave thanks that I've never had a woman insert her hand into my anus.

In fact, I gave thanks that, with the exception of a few ping-pong balls, I've never had any foreign objects in my anus before.

And then I continued eating, and read about the best ways to firm up those sagging breasts.

 

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