9:48 p.m. - 2001-10-11
Stinky Cockpits
Sometimes I forget how to spell my middle name.
One possible explanation is the large amounts of model airplane glue that I inhaled as a child. And super glue fumes. And toxic lead paint.
It's not that I sat around pouring the shit into a sock, and purposely huffing it like a gas mask.
It's just that I frequently built model airplanes and crap as a youngster, and I rarely did it in a well-ventilated area. I recall many times where I would be putting the finishing touches on a plane's cockpit, and then I'd stand up to go get a drink, and almost faint. I had to hold the nearest wall to brace myself.
Blurry vision included.
Another potential problem, which I didn't realize at the time, but occurs to me now to have been an unhealthy choice on my part, is that sometimes the lid on the model cement would be stuck on the tube. No matter how hard I twisted, it wouldn't come off. To remedy the situation, I often put the lid in my mouth and tried to bite it off. When I succeeded, it was not uncommon for a stream of super glue to fly on to my tongue. I usually was able to spit most of it out though.
So, now that I'm 23, I forget how to spell my middle name sometimes. I really do. It is, of course, Gabriel.....but, sometimes, when I picture the name in my mind, I picture it as Gabrial. With an A. For some reason.
To my credit, I have two middle names. You can't expect me to remember how to spell BOTH of them.
The weird thing is, I have the ENTIRE poem of "The Walrus and the Carpenter" memorized. That motherfucker is like 35 paragraphs, and I can recite it at the drop of a hat. I memorized it in 11th grade, and it's been burned into my brain ever since.
Apparently, the part of your brain that stores your middle name is wholly unrelated to the poem memorization hub of the brain.
"The Walrus and the Carpenter" rhymes though.
Maybe it would help if my middle name rhymed with something. Gabriel doesn't rhyme with anything. Not a single word.
At least if my middle name was Cass, it would rhyme with ass.
Or if my middle name was Boomer. I'd remember how to spell it, since it would rhyme with tumor.
Lectum would be a cool middle name too.
