9:07 p.m. - 2001-05-08
Just like that one No Doubt song...
Today I walked through ANOTHER spiderweb. This happens to me on almost a weekly basis. It aggravates me to no end.
In a past life I must've pissed off the great Spider God. He is not pleased with me, and so he puts random spiderwebs at face level throughout my life for me to walk through. My punishment for displeasing him. I imagine his name is Arachnor or Spidercules or some cool god-like name like that.
It doesn't matter when or where I am, my face will somehow find a spiderweb to walk through. I have a theory that if I were to walk from one end of Antarctica to the other, I'd walk into a spiderweb somehow. Even in a desolate landscape like that, my face would get smothered in a web. It doesn't matter. If I were an astronaut, I'd somehow walk into a spiderweb on the moon. It's creepy, really. Honestly, once a week this happens.
Even when I'm FOLLOWING another person, like when I'm walking at the back of a single-file line, a sticky web still manages to wrap around my face.
It's not scientifically possible. I can't explain it.
Today's run-in with a spiderweb was quite possibly the strangest incident ever though:
I was on my lunch break, so I went to Del Taco to play The Mummy Returns contest. I love that goddamn contest. Every large drink has a chance of winning. If you're REALLY lucky, you might win a free taco, but even if you don't, you still get to stare at a picture of The Rock's face on your large cup of soda while you eat. So, I mean, you're really a winner every time.
Anyways, I was waiting in line at Del Taco, the guy in front of me ordered his food and got out of the way, and then I stepped up to the cash register to order and BAM I walked into a spiderweb. Honest to god!
INSIDE a Del Taco restaurant. Why didn't the guy in front of me walk through it? And how could there even be a spiderweb in there with such heavy foot traffic in and out of the area? Why do all spiderwebs hit my face, and not, say, my knees? Is every spiderweb in the world 6'2" above the ground?
Unexplained phenomena.
The Del Taco Web, as I have named it, was a rare and special kind of spiderweb. You might know the kind. It was the kind where the spider is still in the web when the web wraps around your face.....so, all you see is a fucking spider dangling in your face, and as you wipe at your face, the spider is still frantically squirming around trying to figure out what the hell happened to his beautiful home. You just see the spider in your peripheral vision though, so you're never 100% sure where he is. And just when you think you've wiped all the shit off your face, you spot the spider out of the corner of your eye, like hanging by your cheek.
For the next 8-10 hours you will have a creepy, itchy feeling on you, and you'll swear that there's still pieces of the web attached to you somehow. Others who observe you will think you have lice or schizophrenia as you pick at your hair and slap at your face for the rest of the day.
Story of my life.
Curse you, Spidercules, you'll pay for this! Mark my words! Revenge shall be mine!
