12:45 a.m. - 2001-04-14
Don't Fear the Reaper
Today at work, I was sitting at one of the computers trying to fix it, when I heard a quiet, heavily-accented voice say "Tell me about the computers."
I looked around and didn't see anybody in plain view. But then I saw a ugly, moustached midget standing on the other side of the counter, peeking over the edge at me. His arms were crossed on the counter, elbows resting on the surface, and his tiny misshapen head was resting in his arms. All I could see were his little arms, and the upper half of his head. It was as if he was hiding. It was like a disproportionate, hairy version of the neighbor on Home Improvement.
He looked real sleepy for some reason, as if being a midget all day long was wearing him out. He spoke in what may have been an Austrian or Bovarian accent. "What do you want to know about the computers?" I asked.
"How much money?" he asked, his head still resting on his arms, as if he was ready to go nighty-night on the counter. I told him the price of the computers, and he sighed in utter disappointment. And then he just stayed there. Peeking over the counter at me. I continued with my work, but his sleepy little eyes were staring at me while he rested his head. I asked him if he needed anything else, and he said no. But there he stayed.
He looked like one of the spooky neighbors from The 'Burbs, with Tom Hanks. He had a scraggly "child molester" brand of moustache, and some weird mutton chops that covered half his face. The thing about his mutton chops was that they were regular human-sized sideburns even though his head was to 1/3 scale. They didn't fit. It was as if a grown man's facial hair had been Elmer Glued on to a toddler's face.
It was difficult for me to continue with my work, knowing that a hairy little man was falling asleep at the counter right behind my back. I was real paranoid. I felt like the Grim Reaper had taken a human form to come and take me to hell....as if Death comes in the form of a sleepy, unshaven Eastern European midget.
I have stared Death in the eyes.....and survived.
After about 5 minutes, I swiveled my chair around and looked at him once more. The sound of my chair alerted him, and he opened his eyes and looked at me.
Then he silently turned away from my counter and waddled away.
He waddled because his legs were bowlegged and deformed in classic dwarf fashion.
