8:28 p.m. - 2001-04-12
Toothsies
Only two more days till I get my wisdom teeth removed.
I'm getting all 4 of them removed in one day. This involves at least 4 injections of local anesthetic via a 2" needle. Possibly 8 injections, depending on my tolerance to the cortizone. At least two of the teeth are impacted, which means they are in their sideways. They are laying down on the job. They are buried under my gums, in an unnatural position which makes it impossible to pull them out easily. My gums will have to be cut away with a scalpel to expose the bone underneath.
I will be awake during the whole process. I'll be able to hear my bones crunch as they remove the teeth from my skull. I'll have to be wide awake while they grab my teeth with pliers and tug as hard as they can, jerking my head forward. When all is done, my gums will be sewed up to stop the bleeding using a special brand of disintegrating stitches that dissolve over time.
For 3 days afterwards, I will be in a state of swollen, throbbing pain. My diet will consist of orange juice and Jell-O. I'll treat myself to Ben & Jerry's too probably.
You probably think I'm nervous. Well, I'm not. I've been through worse stuff. Just last October, in fact, I had both of my testicles skinned with a Ginsu knife to reveal the thin muscle membrane that holds the testes into the scrotum. Then I smothered my raw, bloody testes with peanut butter and let a pit bull remove my testicles with its teeth. When this was done, and all that was left of my crotch was a bloody hole of severed flesh, I took a red hot spoon, and shoved it into my crotch wound to cauterize the veins.
So, getting my wisdom teeth removed should be a walk in the park.
