6:02 p.m. - 2006-08-19
Jolly Ol' England......
I am going to London in two weeks.
For a vacation.
And to drink, of course.
In London it is not as much of a crime to drive on the left side of the road when you're drunk.
It's still a crime. But not as much of a crime....
In Vegas, whenever I drink a flask or two of Jack Daniel's and decide to drive on the left side of the road, I always find myself speeding towards oncoming traffic, with other cars' headlights glaring into my eyes and swerving around me.
In London, I won't have to worry about that. I'll be going with the flow, so to speak.
So that's good.
I really am going to London in 2 weeks.
That is no joke.
This is a joke: What is the best thing about getting a blowjob from an Ethiopian woman?
Answer: You know that she'll swallow.
Recently, some pricks got arrested in London for planning to blow up planes headed from London to the United States.
Cool! I will soon be taking a plane from London to the United States...on my way back home from London.
So, you can imagine how upset I am that my return flight to the United States is on September 10, and NOT on September 11...
I was very upset to find out that my return flight was one day before the 5th anniversary of 9/11.
I want to be on a hijacked terrorist flight. It is no fun to sit in a plane, eat peanuts, watch the latest Lindsay Lohan movie, stare out the window, take a nap, and land at your destination safe & sound.
It is more fun to tackle a terrorist in the middle of the flight, slap the box-cutter out of his hand, hog-tie him with a seat belt that you've ripped out of one of the seats, shatter a bottle of wine over his head, piss on his face, and punch him in the nose repeatedly until he is unconscious, and then get to be on the news and do the talk show circuit to discuss your heroic actions when you get back to the United States.
I have a better chance of being able to do that on September 11, 2006....unfortunately, my plane is headed back a day earlier.
And since the terrorists are like a bunch of little Muslim MacGyvers who were planning to blow up planes with Gatorade and dish soap and hand lotion and what not, there is now a new rule that you can't take liquids on board the plane with you in your carry-on luggage.
That's just great, terrorists! Thanks a lot!
Edgar Frog: Hey, you're in the airline industry?
Edgar Frog: I have a question.
ULUVGRAPES2: yes
Edgar Frog: Are you a flight attendant or what?
ULUVGRAPES2: nope
Edgar Frog: I have a flight to Europe coming up soon. Do you know about these new rules in effect about not being able to take liquids in your carry-on luggage on board flights?
ULUVGRAPES2: well going to europe i do believe no carry ons still and no liquids gel pastes or aerosols
Edgar Frog: I tried getting information on the airline's website, and I couldn't find much.
ULUVGRAPES2: call the airline itself
Edgar Frog: Do you know if it would apply to bodily fluids as well?
Edgar Frog: I usually take a jar of urine with me on board flights to Europe. And I'm worried that the jar would get broken if it's in my checked luggage.
ULUVGRAPES2: why would you do that
Edgar Frog: I just always do that.
Edgar Frog: I drink it once I arrive. I've heard the salt in it helps to prevent jet-lag.
ULUVGRAPES2: that is gross
Edgar Frog: I'll just have to pack it real tight in my checked luggage and hope it doesn't break in there and spill all over my clothes.
ULUVGRAPES2: got to go
