7:58 p.m. - 2004-09-10
Here's what I think...
What bothers me is that when YOU act like an idiot, it affects me and all the other intelligent people in society.
So, here's some simple things that you can do to be less idiotic, thus making society less idiotic, thus making the world a happier place for everybody:
RULE 1: If you are driving and there are two gas stations across the street from each other, and one is charging $2.11 for regular unleaded, and the other is charging $1.99 for regular unleaded.....Get gas at the station charging $1.99, you idiot.
It is a simple premise that if the cheap gas station makes bunches of money, the expensive one will lower its prices to stay in business. And then the cheaper gas station will lower its prices even more to stay competitive. Which makes BOTH gas stations cheaper.
See?
So, by spending less, it causes prices to go down. The reason gas stations can charge $2.11 for a gallon of gasoline is because idiots like YOU are perfectly willing to pay the price even though the gas station across the street is only charging $1.99.
I see this all the time. It bothers me. If I was a disgruntled Vietnam vet, I'd become a sniper and shoot everybody who willingly pays more for gas than they need to. Or I'd just shoot the gas tanks while they're pumping up, and watch them blow up.
Watch the people blow up, I mean.....not the gas tanks.
If one kid was charging $1 for a cup of lemonade at his lemonade stand, and another kid was charging 75 cents for a cup of lemonade across the street, wouldn't you rather pay 75 cents?
Wouldn't you tell the $1 kid to quit being a scam artist?
Don't give me this "Arco gas is watered down, so I'm willing to pay more to get better gas" bullshit.
All gas is the same. If it makes your car go, then it works. Don't be stupid.
If you're not old enough to drive, and none of this applies to you, then here's another thing that won't apply to you either:
RULE 2: If your reason for supporting George W. Bush is that, "Being the President of the United States is the hardest job in the world. He might not be perfect, but he's doing his best"......Don't be a prick.
Let me perform open heart surgery on you.....I might not do a fantastic job, having no surgical training whatsoever, but the important thing is that I'll try my best.
So don't be mad if I kill you.
"A" for effort, right?
Idiot!
If your reason for supporting George W. Bush is that, "He's protected us all from terrorists".....Quit being stupid.
The largest terrorist attack of all time, committed by Saudi militants, which George W. Bush was warned about ahead of time, which surpassed Pearl Harbor by about 700 in its American death toll, took place while George W. Bush was president. Incidentally, it was the only foreign terrorist attack attempt on American soil in the last 4 years....So, realistically, Bush is 0/1 as far as protecting us from terrorist attacks in his 4 years as president.
The "shoe bomber", if you're trying to debunk me, was over the Atlantic Ocean, by the way, not over American soil....and Bush didn't stop him, the passengers on the plane did.
So there.
0/1 is not a very good success ratio.
If fractions aren't your thing, and you're more into percentages, it translates, roughly, to this: 0%.
If Bush is re-elected, there is one death toll, though, which will surpass Sept. 11's and Pearl Harbor's on Bush's watch: The death toll of American soldiers in Iraq.
We're 1/3 of the way there right now!
1/3 is a higher ratio than 0/1, if you are wondering.
33.33% is larger than 0%.
Idiot!
"But Edgar, I'm not old enough to vote so none of this matters to me and/or I'm a Kerry supporter so you're preaching to the choir!"
Well, here:
RULE 3: If your fat ass is wider than your shoulders and your lard slows you down to the rate of 3 steps per minute, and you are waddling through a narrow walkway in an airport, mall, grocery store, etc....Get the fuck out of the middle of the aisle so people can walk around you, you fat piece of shit.
If you are fat, and you're walking with your fat spouse at a snail's pace, part like the Red Sea and let thin society walk between the two of you.
Or better yet, stay home.
You disgust the rest of us, and we would prefer to not see you enter our world.
Especially if your stomach hangs over your crotch. If you have to lift your belly to piss, you do not deserve to live.
Belly buttons are supposed to be small and circular....They aren't supposed to be asscracks in the front.
If you're one of those fat pieces of shit who rides around on your little golf cart, you are even worse than the fat-asses who waddle down the middle of a narrow walkway at the rate of 3 steps per minute. At least they can stand up.
I want to make a bunch of signs that say "FOOD: This Way! --->" and put them all over the entire country, spaced 50 feet apart from each other.
Millions of signs!
And have them all lead to the Grand Canyon, from all the corners of the country. But under the signs it will say "FAT PEOPLE RIDING LITTLE GOLF CARTS ONLY! OTHERS NEED NOT APPLY!"....
So, all over the country, there would be a great migration of fat slobs riding their little carts....fat slobs with so much lard on their bodies that their own legs can't even support their own weight. It would be like the Great Migration or whatever in The Land Before Time, all the fat people in their carts, slowly rumbling across the country towards the Grand Canyon.
If you offer them food, they will come.
Then, I want to have little ramps set up all over the edge of the Grand Canyon, so when they get there, they all ride their little carts up the ramp, in search for food, and plummet off the edge of the Canyon, tumbling to their death.
Like Fat Thelma and Lardy Louise.
I wonder, though, if their lard would serve as a Flubber of sorts.
I wouldn't want them to hit the bottom and bounce back up to safety, like that fucking Abominable Snowman in that Rudolph cartoon.
So, maybe I'd have to put some spikes at the bottom of the Grand Canyon or something.
To make sure the job gets done.
Or lava or something.
