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6:10 p.m. - 2004-08-26
Whiskey & Bean Slop Man (as Crock-pot)
The following entry was written by yours truly under the pseudonym Crock-pot at crock-pot.diaryland.com on August 8, 2004.....during my August hiatus.



Here's an actual conversation excerpt to show you how to deal with those random spam Instant Messages that you get:


lincolnken3286: Pictures have been sent from: (lincolnken3286) to: (crock-pot)
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Crock-pot: Shush yo mouth.

Crock-pot: Pictures of Crock-pot fucking lincolnken3286's mom have been sent from: (crock-pot) to: (lincolnken3286)
To pickup new pictures go here
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Man, I drank like a motherfucker on Saturday night. I must've had about 7 Jack & Cokes, the equivalent of half a flask of straight whiskey, a Red Bull & Vodka, and a shot of tequila.

I drank so much that I was starting to see little tiny fairys dancing all around me, wearing their little skirts, and sitting in my lap as they sang to me.

But maybe that's just because I was hanging out in a karaoke bar for homosexual transvestite midgets.

That's funny....Admit it!

I really did drink as much as I said I did though.

What's worse, I'm currently taking prescription-strength Ibuprofen for a leg injury that I recently acquired.

Nobody knows how I hurt my leg.

It is a mystery.

Alcohol + Ibuprofen causes liver failure and stomach bleeding!

Sweet!

How could I pass that up?

So against doctor's orders, I went out and totally binge drank on Saturday night, after putting 800MG of Ibuprofen into my stomach.

I think I could actually hear something in my liver "snap" when I took the shot of tequila.

I know if I had vomited that night, it would've been a combination of alcohol, Del Taco, and blood.

I didn't vomit though.

But, even the next day, there was a sharp pain in my liver area....I feel like I burned a hole in my stomach maybe too.

Like, my stomach is a Ziploc bag with a hole at the bottom, and as I dump liquor and food in there, it's leaking out the hole in the bottom, spilling out inside of my body. I might have Del Taco burrito remnants stuck inside of my kneecap.....after leaking out of the hole in my stomach and falling down to my kneecap through my thigh.

Maybe that's why my knee hurts.

Is it possible, I wonder, for me to fill up my body with food and liquor, if there's a hole in my stomach that all that shit is leaking out from?

Maybe my testicles have filled up with tequila and whiskey, after being spilled out of my stomach and sloshing down to my scrotum.

That could explain why that area hasn't been working so great lately.

My hopes, of course, are to one day be made entirely of Del Taco and alcohol. To be a walking, deformed monstrosity....Half man-half burrito-half whiskey.....

Like how the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters was made out of marshmallows....

Or how Swamp Thing was made out of swampy shit...Remember him?

I'll be the Whiskey & Burrito Man.

I'll be made out of Veggie Works burritos and Jack Daniel's whiskey.....

All because of a bloody hole in my stomach that kept leaking the contents of my stomach out into the rest of my body, filling up the catacombs of my body with bean slop and toxic liquor.

I guess there'd be blood in there too. Blood leaking out of my stomach, and spilling down into my abdomen and legs.

I'd be a monstrosity.

Dogs would be coming up to me, and eating my legs.....which would consist of refried beans and tequila.

That would be my main problem....trying to prevent dogs and small Mexican children from eating my bean & tequila legs.

My second problem, I guess, would be to find out from my doctor whether or not I should keep taking the prescription-strength Ibuprofen.

It says "Take with food"...It says "May cause dizziness".....

I don't see a label on it though that says "Stop taking medication if you turn into a monstrous Whiskey & Bean Burrito Man".....

So, I'd have to ask the doctor, just to be safe.

I wouldn't want to cause even more stomach bleeding.

Better safe than sorry.

 

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