6:58 p.m. - 2004-04-28
Red-Flag Me, Please
I think it is funny, now that I have a Super-Duper gold membership, that I can see what terms people were searching for on Google or Yahoo that led them to my diary. I can see what random people out there were looking for on the internet, that made Google and Yahoo recommend my diary to them as a potential solution to their needs.

In recent days, for instance, search terms that people typed into Google and Yahoo that led them to my diary include: "little baby naked female vagina" and "fuck children on top" and "little girl porn"....

Understandable.

When those terms are searched for on Google or Yahoo, my diary, along with others, will be listed as a search result.

I can see why.

A few days ago, somebody searched for "pictures of girls pooping" on Yahoo. Yahoo recommended my diary. Yahoo thought that my diary might be the key to finding the pictures being saught....that my diary was a source of pictures of girls pooping.

I wish, Yahoo....I wish.

But whoever searched for that....whoever searched for all of those terms....really did click on my diary link.

I hope they weren't terribly disappointed.

My favorite is this one: Yesterday, apparently, somebody searched for this: "old lady from Harry Potter naked".....

My diary was, once again, flagged as a result.

The old lady from Harry Potter, I found out, is Maggie Smith: Here's Her Picture!

Maggie Smith is who somebody wanted to see naked. They found my diary instead.

But god bless the guy who was searching for nude pictures of Maggie Smith.

I felt like I was one with him. I felt that, by clicking on my diary link and visiting my diary in a search for nudie pictures of Maggie Smith, that I had shared a special bond with him.

More importantly, I felt like his mission had become my mission.

I decided to see how possible it would be for him to succeed on his mission. I decided to try to find naked pictures of Maggie Smith, the old lady from Harry Potter.

And if I should succeed, I thought, I would include a nude picture of Maggie Smith in my diary, so that future generations of people who search for "old lady from Harry Potter naked" could take comfort in knowing that my diary was their haven....that my diary had what they wanted.

I would be bigger than Jesus to them.

My question was this: How easy is it to find a nude picture of Maggie Smith, the old hag from the Harry Potter movies?

So I began searching.....I had the upper hand on the other guy who had searched for it before me. Unlike him, I knew her name.

The funny thing, I thought, would be that I would be searching "Maggie Smith nude photo", and then I would be clicking on the websites that Yahoo and Google recommended. If any of the webmasters of those sites looked at their referrer stats, they too would see that somebody had gotten to their page by searching for nude pictures of this old Harry Potter broad.

But this time, the person who searched for it would be me!

My search led me to quite a few nude celebrity websites. The first one I visited had no nude picture of Maggie Smith, but it had plenty of vid-cap photos from the Paris Hilton video, along with some paparazzi photos of Natalie Portman sunbathing topless. There were some vid-caps from various movies that showed Christina Ricci's boobies (Prozac Nation), Halle Berry's boobies (Swordfish), and Meg Ryan's boobies (The Doors). Lots of the nude celebrity websites had paparazzi photos of Britney Spears sunbathing on the beach, but she was wearing a bikini.

"This is ridiculous," I thought, "How come the paparazzi can get candid topless photos of Natalie Portman, but not Britney Spears?" So I kept looking. Site after site that I visited had the same ol' bikini beach photos of Britney Spears....but none of them topless. There were some convincing fakes of Britney naked....but they were still fakes. The closest thing to a "nude" of Britney Spears was a candid nipple slip photo of her at the Grammys. You could barely see her nipple popping out of her dress.

Big deal.

So my question had been answered: It is very difficult to find an authentic naked picture of Britney Spears.

After hours of searching, I gave up.

And the weird thing is that all the pictures of Britney that I, uh....

Oh yeah, I was supposed to be looking for pictures of Maggie Smith.

Eh, who cares....

Fuck that old bitch.

To make up for my failure in this mission, I will once again search for something that somebody else was searching for when they found my diary....Tomorrow, I will mimic somebody else's search, to see how easy it is to find what they were looking for.

Only thing is, it might mean I'll end up searching for spread-open vaginas of some nude 5-year-old girls....

All in a day's work!

The above entry has been brought to you by The "Let's Try To Get Edgar Frog's Diary Red-Flagged By the FBI" Foundation.

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