9:39 p.m. - 2003-05-19
Hi God, want to talk?
Dear God,
Hi, how r u? It's me Edgar. I hope u are doing okay. I'm doing just smurfy. :o)
I know it's been a while since I wrote you a letter, God, and I'm sorry. But I wanted to ask you a question, about something you made happen today.
I'm sure you remember, since you're all-knowing, but just to jog your memory: It's about that message I got on my answering machine when I got home from work. Remember? I got home from work today at 6:00pm and there was a message on my answering machine. It was from a Hollywood casting agent who got my headshot and acting resume somehow...and she had called me to see if I was interested in being in a mock ORGY scene for a movie. She wanted me to call her back to confirm whether or not I was interested.
A fucking orgy scene, God! Can you believe it?! Of course you can believe it....you're God! You're the one who made her call me!
Anyways, she said the call time was at 8:00am TOMORROW morning, in Hollywood, which is pretty short notice, God. You could've at least made her give me a couple days notice so I could plan a little better. To be on the set at 8:00am in Hollywood, I'd have to leave my house here in San Diego around 6:00am or so.....Not to mention I'd have to ditch going to the car mechanic tomorrow morning, where I have an 8:00am appointment to get my car fixed.....AND not to mention that I would have to ditch work tommorrow....since the casting agent who left the message said the scene wouldn't be done filming till about noon, so I wouldn't be home till about 3:00pm probably.
It was pretty short notice, God, and it put me in quite a predicament.
So, I told myself that, although it would really be fun, I really shouldn't do it...I have responsibilities and priorities....But, God, then I started imagining how the orgy scene would be...probably me naked except for some flesh-colored briefs, pretending to fuck some random naked girl in a room full of random naked people....It would be pretty fun, God....I'm sure you can imagine. But, I told myself I really can't do it. Realistically, I have to fix my car and go to work....I can't just wake up at 6:00am to drive to Hollywood and ditch work to be in an orgy scene with naked women, God....
But, then I was like, "What the fuck am I talking about?!!? Fuck my car and fuck my work. This is a fucking orgy scene! They'll probably randomly pair up guys and girls....They'll probably randomly assign me to some aspiring actress who has to take off her shirt and wear flesh-colored panties, and I'd be practically naked except for some flesh-colored underwear, and whichever naked girl they pair me up with I'd have to pretend to fuck for 4 hours in a room full of other people pretending to fuck.....and get PAID for it!!"
You had me convinced, God. I could practically hear you saying, "Screw your car, Edgar, and screw your job! Life is all about fucking....or, at least, pretending to fuck. Isn't being in an orgy scene worth losing your job and having your car break down on you?"
You made a good point, God.
So, as you remember, I called the casting agent back to tell her I'm coming to Hollywood to pretend to fuck...Save some flesh-colored briefs for me! And, when I called and told her, she goes, "Oh sorry, we already got enough people for that scene. But, I'll keep you in mind for future casting calls. Thanks. Bye."
Explain yourself, God....
What's the fucking deal with that, goddammit?
Why'd you do that to me, God?
Come on, God....Don't be a player hater. You never let me be in orgies, God, and I'm getting sick of it. You've never let me be in a REAL orgy, and now you won't even let me be in a fake orgy?!
You have a lot of explaining to do, God. You better throw a pile of naked women on my lap pretty soon....whether they're real, or just acting.
I'm serious, God.
Or else I'm going to start worshipping Satan.
And Allah...
At least with them I know I get to have orgies.
Orgies with virgins, no less....
And then I get to kill the virgins when I'm done....
Eh...who needs you, God.
