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10:49 p.m. - 2003-04-26
Walk the walk
I don't mind having female fans of my diary.

If girls enjoy my filth, then that's good....

I don't know WHY they would enjoy it.....but, if for some reason they do, then that's good.

But the next female who e-mails me and claims to "love" me, or want to marry me, or want to have sex with me, or whatever else, based on how much they enjoy my diary.....I will kill them.

I will track them down and slit their throat.

Honest!

It's a nice gesture on their part....and if my diary makes them laugh and giggle and snicker with delight, then I've succeeded.

Hooray for me!

But, a female who claims she wants to ride on the ol' Edgar Frog Express is of little or no use to me when she lives in another state.

Unless you are actually laying naked on my bed, with your legs behind your head, offering your spread-open vagina hole to me.....Then I have no use for you.

That's my opinion.

Believe it or not, I hear from enough ladies who tell me this stuff, that I feel the need to now say what I'm saying.

If you really want me to stick it to you, then by all means, come to my house in San Diego. Nobody is stopping you. I'll gladly fill your little stomach with Jack....and then I'll gladly fill your little vagina with Edgar.

But, if you live in Michigan, or Ohio, or the Soviet Republic, then shush your mouth.

Or at the very least, send me a picture of your vagina that I can cut a hole in.....And then I'll drill a hole in my wall and scotch tape your vagina picture over the hole in the wall....And then I'll make sweet love to my wall and pretend it's you.

Or.....for a more realistic feel, I'll go down to the animal shelter and buy a little puppy, and tape your vagina picture over the dog's anus, and fuck your vagina that way.....complete with queefing sounds and realistic moisture.

But don't just TALK about marrying me and having sex with me and birthing my children.....

Talk doesn't make my penis happy.

Putting my penis inside a hole makes my penis happy.

Taping your vagina picture on to my right hand would be another option.....Then I could make love to your vagina 10-15 times a day.

And while I'm at work too....




I met Lana Clarkson a couple years ago, and talked to her for a short while. She was amazingly tall, and amazingly funny, as well. She was a B-movie star with a cult following, best known for barbarian roles in movies such as "Barbarian Queen" and "Deathstalker". Her autograph is hanging on my wall.

When I asked for her autograph, she wrote "Love and Barbarian Wishes" and then did a big "L" to begin signing her name...but she accidentally wrote "Love" again....She was going to scribble over the second "Love", but she signed her name underneath instead, so the final message reads: "Love and Barbarian Wishes, Love, Lana Clarkson."

She said this to me: "I didn't mean to write 'Love' twice....But, oh well, you can never have too much love."

In February of this year, she was murdered at the age of 40...a single gunshot to the head. The June 2003 issue of Playboy explains it in further detail, if you care to know.

In Memory of Lana Clarkson

 

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