6:56 p.m. - 2003-03-22
First Class
I just remembered that I got a parking ticket last October.
I never paid it, of course.
In fact, I ripped the ticket up, fully expecting to regret my action later...fully expecting a letter in the mail notifying me of my unpaid ticket, with a late fee probably added to the original fine.
But....Here it is mid-March, almost 6 months later...and I haven't heard a word from anybody.
I guess I don't have to pay the ticket...
Last month I received another parking ticket....I sent the ticket back to the city with "FUCK YOU" written across it in rather large, capital letters.
I thought I might regret my action later....Surely, I thought it must be illegal to write "FUCK YOU" on a ticket when you send it back to City Hall.
But, I never heard one word fom them either.
I guess they didn't mind.
Maybe the law is afraid of me.
I have an uncanny knack for escaping law enforcement.
I've never been pulled over for drunk driving, for instance, although it is a weekly habit of mine. Last night, for example, while going down a freeway on-ramp, I plowed off the asphalt and off-roaded through some shrubbery in order to get to the freeway quicker.
Common practice for me.
It's like I'm above the law.
I can never get caught.
That's my theory, anyways....
So, I'm not too worried about the half-full bottle of Heineken that I dumped into a public mailbox last night, spilling beer on all the envelopes enclosed.
Mostly bills probably.....possibly some postcards.....perhaps a few letters from parents to their children fighting overseas.
And, I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming that an open bottle of Dutch beer, spilling 11 fluid ounces of its contents on to the envelopes inside a mailbox, will pretty much smear all the ink and destroy everything.
Tampering with U.S. mail....
It's a felony.
But, my defense in court would be that I wasn't purposely trying to destroy everybody's mail....I was trying to mail the Heineken bottle to myself.
It's just that I forgot to leave the bottle unopened....
Sorry.....
Oh...and I forgot to put an address label on it...
And a stamp....
Mistakes happen.
