4:53 p.m. - 2002-10-06
You'll pay for this, Santa Clarita.
Help me.
I am on location in Agua Dulce, California right now filming that PBS documentary. We filmed last night, and I got a motel for the next two nights.
I don't have to film again until tomorrow.
Which means I have all day today to waste up here.
There is nothing to do here.
Agua Dulce is a ghost town.
The nearest suburban community is Santa Clarita, California...which is where I currently am, and I am using a computer at Kinko's to type this.
Santa Clarita is dead as a doornail.
It is a small desert community.
To their credit, they must have the cleanest teeth of any community in the United States....There is a dentist on every block, seriously.
I don't know anybody up here...And there's nothing to do.
I can't even find a bar.
I'm going insane. Wading through freezing water while dressed like a P.O.W., and getting thrown into a wooden cart being pulled by a water buffalo...which I really did last night....was funner than trying to find something to do in the Agua Dulce/Santa Clarita area of California.
To give this area SOME credit, Six Flags Magic Mountain is about 15 miles away...in Valencia, California....but, come on, I'm not going to go to Magic Mountain alone....
I saw Red Dragon...that took up some time. But it's still only 5 p.m....
I need a hooker.
My motel room is going to waste.
If you're a horny young woman in the small desert community of Santa Clarita, and you're reading this, call the Super 8 Motel that's on the Sierra Highway and get a hold of me.
Room 293.
Also...if you're a clown in the Santa Clarita area, and you're willing to entertain me and maybe make some balloon animals for me, the same thing goes for you....
Room 293.
Actually, same thing applies if you're an alcoholic in the area who has whiskey to share, a ballerina in the area who will teach me how to dance, or any families in the area who own the board game Pictionary and need an extra person to be on their team.
Ain't nothing wrong with Pictionary...
Well, I guess I better leave this Kinko's now....
I guess I'll go do the only thing there is to do here in Santa Clarita....
I'm going to go get my teeth cleaned at the nearest dentist.
Or, I should say, ALL thirty-two of the nearest dentists....
One dentist per tooth....
Oh....and one other thing....if you're a horny young man in the Santa Clarita/Agua Dulce area, and you have a lot of lube and dildos, remember: SUPER 8 MOTEL.....ROOM 293....
I'll be waiting.
Um....young WOMAN, I meant...
I meant young "woman"....
Seriously. It was a typo.
Damn Kinko's keyboard...
