11:51 p.m. - 2002-09-30
Via Con Dios....whoever you are....
The landlords of my apartment complex always tape stupid letters to the doors of the apartments in my complex.
Crap like, "Please don't ride your bike in the courtyard" and "Please park in designated spaces only"....
They are always written with the grammatical skills of a five-year-old child. It is clear to me that my landlords have only a basic grasp of the English language.
Tonight I got home from work to find a letter from the landlords that basically said they were asking all the tenants to come together in this time of grief. It said that one of the families in the apartment complex has recently experienced a loss, and that the family is also experiencing financial difficulties, so any donations taken to the landlords' office would be forwarded to the grieving family. The letter said that the donated money would go towards paying for a burial.
.........
Wait a minute? You mean to tell me that Grandma's dead body hasn't been buried yet...?
Does the family have Granny's rotting body all dressed up, sitting in her rocking chair, like "Psycho"?
Or do they still pretend that Grandpa is alive, and take his rigor-mortised body out on the town for drinking and dancing, like "Weekend At Bernie's"?
I don't mind if this family is keeping their dead relative's maggot-infested corpse in the corner of the living room.....just as long as the odor doesn't make it to my apartment.
Don't get me wrong; I feel sorry for the grieving family. I can only imagine what it must be like to have the stinking corpse of a relative laying around, and no money to bury him with.
But, I'm not made out of money.
Anyways, how do I know this isn't a scam? How do I know this isn't a trick by my landlords to raise money for themselves?
I want proof. I want to see the decomposing body.
And, anyways, a few donations from the tenants of this apartment complex won't be enough to pay for a burial....so, what's the point?
But, then again, what do they need a burial for if they can't even afford one? They're just being greedy.
There are plenty of options they have that don't involve much money.....
I recommend that they lay Granny's body down in the driveway and cover her with asphalt....paint her white, and you got a new speed bump.
Lord knows this apartment complex loves speed bumps. They're spaced about 5 feet apart from each other.
Money for a burial? Give me a break....
Plus, if the speed bump idea doesn't work, there's quite a few dumpsters around to toss Granny into.
Today is Monday though. They should probably wait till tomorrow night to throw Grandma in the dumpster, otherwise the seagulls will probably eat most of her before the garbagemen come.
The garbagemen come on Tuesday and Thursday nights, I think....
