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2:18 a.m. - 2002-09-18
In Search Of the Wal-Mart Girl: Part Two
Well, kids, it is almost the end of an era.

The end of a long mission is approaching, I think.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And, if it does work out, it will prove that I am the greatest evil mastermind on the face of the planet. It will prove that anything is possible, if you set your mind to it.

Almost one year ago in my diary, as faithful readers will remember, I put forth a challenge to myself. I wrote an entry entitled: "In Search Of the Wal-Mart Girl: Part One"....My goal was to contact the girl from the commercial and ask for her hand in marriage.

Go back and read it...if you haven't already.

And I entitled it "Part One" for a reason. Because I intended on having a Part Two. But, the months passed, and no Part Two ever came.

Well, here it is:

Rummaging through website upon website of bullshit, I have finally located the greatest key to finding the Wal-Mart girl. I found the website of her family's band!

When I wrote Part One, all I knew was that her last name was either Rees or Reese, and that her family had a band. I knew nothing else. I had no idea where to begin my search. My hopes of ever contacting her seemed dim.

This is what I now know:

It is the Rees family of Winchester, Virginia. The band is called Linda Lou's Lucky 4 Band. The girl in particular that I have been searching for, in the hopes of asking for her hand in marriage, is named Paige Rees, and she is 17 years old.

Not bad, not bad.

Call me Sherlock Frog, from now on.

Or Edgar Holmes.

Needless to say, I have e-mailed the band and explained my position. I have asked for a direct response from Paige.

If/when I hear from her, I will, as promised, ask for her hand in marriage.

If I don't hear from her within three days, I will e-mail the band again.

And, here's a little secret:

My ultimate goal is to have Paige Rees, the Wal-Mart girl of my dreams, write a Women's Lib entry in the coming months.

It would be a Celebrity Women's Lib, sort of....

Which, reminds me...Let me tell you this:

I have been toying with lots of great ideas for my diary in the months to come..Including a Celebrity Women's Lib entry. Maybe Claire Danes or Kirsten Dunst. Don't ask me how I would do it...I don't know. But, I think it's possible. It wouldn't be easy, but it's possible. With the right phone calls to the right agents, and a lot of con-artistry, I think I could do it.

But, I will accept this Wal-Mart girl as a "celebrity", if she works out. If nothing else, I will at least ask for her hand in marriage, if I make contact with her....which was my original goal.

So, there are two things which might happen soon, and I'll let you know which one occurs:

Either A.) I'm going to hear from Paige Rees soon, via e-mail, and it will be a glorious day and my search for the Wal-Mart girl will be a success....

Or B.) The Rees parents are going to notify the authorities about me stalking Paige Rees and e-mailing their underage daughter spooky messages about falling in love with her when I saw that Wal-Mart commercial, and cops are going to raid my house and arrest me.

Oh well.....I've always known that my diary would land me in jail sooner or later.

And, if I went to jail for stalking Paige Rees, it would give me plenty of time to sit around writing letters to her.

So, even if I do get arrested for stalking a minor, it will be okay...

Just as long as my jail cell has a laptop computer that I can use to write "In Search Of the Wal-Mart Girl: Part Three"...

Plus, if I use a bar of soap in jail to carve a home-made engagement ring for Paige, I bet she'd change her mind about me.

Girls always play hard to get....

 

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