3:06 a.m. - 2002-08-28
Drinking with Einstein
Sometimes while driving, I'll get really astrophysical with my thoughts. I mean, I'll start thinking of all these quantumly biophysical theorums and what not.
For instance, am I the only one who does this:
While driving in my car, behind a cute young girl in her car, I'll see an area of space in the road, and then she'll drive through it, and then a few seconds later, I'll drive through it....and I'll think, "Wow, the molecules in my penis just passed through the same point in space where the molecules in her vagina were at a few seconds ago."
I picture us in our sitting positions, going down the road, and then I think of it without the cars...and without the clothing, and it's basically two naked people in sitting positions, floating down the road, and my penis is following the same trail through the atmosphere that her vagina is taking.
Think of it this way: The atmosphere around us, even empty space, is full of kajillions of floating molecules....and then as her vagina passes through a point in space, her vaginal molecules are disrupting the molecules in the empty space....and in less than 2-3 seconds, my penis molecules will be right there.....Assuming my car seat and her car seat are the same height above the ground, which isn't wholly impossible.
Now, isn't it reasonable to assume that within that 2-3 second time period, that some of her vagina molecules could STILL be lingering around in that point in space, as my penis molecules enter the scene?
As long as her car seat and my car seat are equal height from the ground, our genitalia will pass through the same point in space.
Basically, by driving behind her, I just had sex with her....in some alternate wavelength of molecular life.
Plus: Albert Einstein said that every moment will exist forever, as the molecular structure of each passing second drifts through space. So, somewhere in the void of space, as those molecules from that exact second travel through the universe, my penis molecules and her vagina molecules are ALWAYS going to be in that same point in space....forever.
Not only did I just fuck the girl driving in the Kia ahead of me...I'm going to be fucking her until the end of time.
And she doesn't even know.
Now, I know what you're thinking...
I know ALL TOO WELL what you're thinking, trust me, and don't think I haven't thought what you're thinking....
You're thinking if my theory is correct, then the same goes for the guy driving behind me, when his penis molecules catch up to the point in space where my anus molecules were just at.
And you're thinking, "What if you're driving behind your mom, following her to a family reunion perhaps?"
Or, "What if you're following your grandma?"
And, I know my readers are thinking, "But, Edgar, what about if the guy driving behind you has a dog sitting in his passenger seat, and your girlfriend is sitting in YOUR passenger seat? Or, Edgar, what if you're driving behind a family in a minivan, and their little 8-year-old daughter is sleeping in the back seat, laying down with her mouth open and drooling...."
And, loyal diary readers, I already know you're thinking, "Edgar, what about when you're driving behind a semi truck...since the trucker would be sitting higher than you. His ass would be at your face level. And truckers are always in a hurry. They have busy schedules. You know they don't have time to wipe when they use a highway rest stop."
Enough!
You make me sick.
You really do.
Why would you even think things like that? You sick fuckers...
If Albert Einstein were here, he'd probably lock himself in his room and cry if he knew the disgusting things you were thinking in the name of science. I'd have to tell him:
Albert, I know my sick-ass diary readers are destroying scientific theories with their potty minds. They make me sick with their thoughts of penis molecules and anus molecules sharing the same space. They even thought about my penis molecules sharing space with my mom's vaginal molecules, for god's sake! But, you can't cry in your room all night long. So, come on Albert, hop in your car and follow me to my local bar, and we can drink whiskey and drown our sorrows....
Actually, uh.....Don't follow me....okay?
Just meet me there....
