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5:17 a.m. - 2002-08-08
I'm a broke mofo
I went and bought some jelly from the store today, and when I was done I had 2 dollars left over.

Two 1-dollar bills.

I decided that I'd deposit the two dollars into my bank, because who knows how much is in my bank....and the two dollars will probably be more useful in my bank than in my wallet.

So, I drove to an ATM machine, and put the two dollars into an envelope and deposited them into my checking account.

Here is what my bank statement said when it printed out at the end of the transaction:

DEPOSIT - $2.00
NEW BAL - $3.00

Sweet mother of god!

I had one dollar in my bank before I put the $2 in...

WHOOPSY!

Somebody spent a little too much money on whiskey last weekend!

And, I probably could've done without the $50 worth of comic memorabilia that I bought from the comic convention on Sunday.

I suppose buying $75 worth of food at Vons on Saturday wasn't the most frugal way to live either.

And, I guess I shouldn't have bought that $300 "Cock Ring & Ball Stretcher" starter kit that I bought at Gay-Mart on Saturday.......The kit that guarantees to stretch my testicles down at least 4 inches in thirty days or my money back. Plus, since the cock rings will prevent orgasm, my testicles will swell to the size of softballs as they slowly fill more and more with semen each day.

Hold on, hold on.....I know what you're thinking!

You're thinking, "Whiskey...comics...food...and a 'Cock Ring & Ball Stretcher' Starter Kit....all in one weekend! That's a lot of unnecessary crap to spend your money on. You don't need all that junk! Why don't you take back the one thing that you need the least and see if you can get your money back?"

Well, to answer your question: I would take back the one thing I need the least.....

But, I'm not sure if Vons will take food back after it's already been half-eaten.

 

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