2:02 a.m. - 2002-08-05
Typical boring weekend
This weekend, after a night of whiskey drinking, I ended up wearing women's clothes.
The weird thing is that it wasn't my first time wearing women's clothes while drunk.
As my roommate and I were drunkenly wandering the streets on Saturday night, we came upon some girls who had just seen a late movie at the theater. Naturally, I asked one of them if she'd trade shirts with me, and she obliged.
So, I took my shirt off right then and there, and she stripped down to her bra, and we put on each other's shirts.
But then she went above and beyond the call of duty! While wearing my shirt, she reached underneath and unfastened her bra and gave it to me to wear. So, she put her bra on me underneath the little shirt that I was wearing.
The interesting thing was that it was a padded bra, so even though I am small in the booby department, the bra was still making little bumps in the shirt. The shirt, incidentally, was a Small...and I am an X-Large....So, it came down to just above my belly button.
It fit me like a baby tee. Showing off my belly.
Plus, now I had B-cup sized breasts.
I was sexy as hell, with my tummy sticking out. I couldn't stop rubbing my breasts. They felt real. And looked real.
So, I wandered around the streets like that for about an hour, with my tummy hanging out from my little shirt, fondling my padded breasts and massaging them gently. It was like playing with real breasts...except they were attached to me.
I wanted to lick them, but I couldn't.
The girl who I had traded shirts with disappeared, and I was certain that she had gone home, leaving me trapped out here with a padded bra and a baby tee.
But, at least I knew wherever she was, her breasts were hanging there braless, being tugged down by gravity.
At least I knew my boobs were being supported.
Anyways.....I met up with her again later in the night, and she wanted her bra and shirt back. I'm a sneaky son of a bitch though, and so I told her she could only have her clothes back if she took my shirt off first.
"But, I don't have anything on underneath your shirt," she said.
Muahahahaha!! All part of my master plan, young lady....
So, the poor girl took my shirt off, exposing her breasts to the world, and then I kindly gave her back her clothes and went home.
When I got home, it was about 2:30 a.m., and I remember sitting on the couch watching TV, feeling slightly sick.
Here's what I remember next:
A door smashing into my head!
I opened my eyes to discover that I was laying face down, half naked, on my bathroom floor. My roommate was trying to get in to use the bathroom, and so the door had hit my head.
It was 6 a.m.
Who knows how I ended up there....
Here's the thing:
Neither me nor my roommate clean our bathroom floor very often. I'm sure it's possible to clean it...If we mopped it, maybe. But, we're just not capable of it.
We're males.
So, our bathroom floor is coated in pubic hairs and beard shavings, the area around our toilet is soaked in urine, there's fungus and mildew growing in every corner of the floor (particularly near our feces-coated toilet plunger), and there is random mold stains throughout.
Also....there is something on the floor by the bathtub, which I truly believe is a dead ringworm. So help me god!
Just standing on the floor in there with bare feet makes you feel like you're going to contract the West Nile Virus or Yellow Fever or something. You can almost feel the germs crawling into your skin. Our bathroom floor is like a public health risk. I'm sure terrorists could devise a weapon using our bathroom floor.
So, it's rather funny that a few drinks of whiskey can make me sprawl out on the floor, half naked...and face down even. I think my open mouth was actually touching the floor.
Anyways, when the door hit me in the head, I got up and laid down in my real bed....not changing my clothes or washing first, so whatever freaky diseases and sewage filth I had on my body, I transferred it to my clean bedsheets.
Oh well...
So, that was my Saturday night. Wearing women's clothes and sleeping on my bathroom floor.
Just a typical weekend....Nothing out of the ordinary.
I wish I knew a girl who I could invite over to sleep with me. I'd keep it a secret that my bedsheets have been recently coated in filth from my bathroom floor.
First thing she'd notice would probably be the urine scent....or possibly the pubic hairs.
"Gross. Why does your bed smell like a bathroom floor?"
Don't worry, baby. That's not a bathroom floor that you're smelling....
That's the smell of love.
