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12:46 a.m. - 2002-02-28
Breaking the Law
For this entry, I used a top secret screenname, Sultan of Spam, while talking to a female police officer in New Jersey. The conversation turned out to be very long, and there were many funny moments where she was disgusted with me, particularly when I told her my police record consisted of nothing but public nudity and indecent exposure.

I told her the most trouble I ever got in was a month in jail when I got caught masturbating into people's mailboxes and covering their mail with my semen.

She told me she was glad I got jail time.

Another funny moment was when I told her I was thinking of masturbating on to people's car doors tonight, so that tomorrow morning they would unknowingly stick their hands in my semen while trying to get in their car. I asked her if she would arrest me for this. She recommended that I use super glue instead of my own semen...which was odd, because I had an officer of the law telling me that I should super glue people's car door handles....recommending it, as if it's legal or something.

I responded that semen was much more funny, because it's amusing to think of somebody putting their hand in something that was formerly in my testicles.

Glue doesn't have the same testicular goodness.

The entire conversation turned out to be too long for my diary, unfortunately, so I chose a small portion, which I think sums it up best:


Sultan of Spam: Tell me something.....

Sultan of Spam: What is the best way for a guy like me to talk my way out of a traffic ticket?

MADANGEL844: JUST BE COURTEOUS AND NICE....IF YOUR A SHITBAG = TICKET

Sultan of Spam: Don't you think everybody's a shitbag, after serving for years on the force and seeing the worst of humanity.

MADANGEL844: NOT AT ALL

MADANGEL844: EVEN NICE PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES

Sultan of Spam: Do you think I'm a shitbag for masturbating in public?

MADANGEL844: YEAH KINDA

Sultan of Spam: Cool.

 

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