6:27 p.m. - 2002-01-19
Women's Lib: Part 4
It's been a while since I made God cry, so I hope this entry does the job. As you know, each month I get a cute, sweet, little, innocent young girl to write about the filthy, disgusting topic of my choice, for a feature I call "Women's Lib". The prerequisite is that I must first see a photo of the girl, to verify the fact that she is physically attractive, in a cute and cuddly kind of way. The Women's Lib entries are nice because they add a touch of filth and immaturity to my otherwise classy and sophisticated diary.
This month, I chose some cute, 16-year-old, church-going girl to write my January Women's Lib entry. When I first saw her picture, I fell in love with her. "I'd marry her, if she was older," I proclaimed. She was my 16-year-old dream girl. I started thinking of different ways I could propose to her. I made her write about the trials and tribulations of constipation. Here's an absurdly small picture of her:
Here's her entry:
So everything started on one beautiful Saturday afternoon. I was sitting in church listing to the boring sermon when I started to feel a sharp hard object kinda pushing its way out. I tried to ignore it, but it seemed to not wanna stop poking me. As anyone would, you start to get really annoyed, as I did!! So I asked myself...... what if it took a really long time and all the sudden I farted really loud and someone happened to walk in right then? That would be a nightmare! Then I would come back into church with the left over stench of the bathroom from my dump kinda like when you go fishing and hold a fish and you really stink.
So any way back too sitting at church ... Well I was deciding if I could wait till the end of church, thinking if i wait it might just squash its way out and make a big mess and everyone would leave cause of the belching smells!! So I didn't want to wait cause I started to have gas and was dying of annoyance. well I finally decided to get up and go to the bathroom without letting it come out.... as I was walking it tended to poke as if someone had carved the poop into a knife.
So I sat down in the stall thinking it would come right out with no problem. But to my surprise it felt as if someone hollowed out my intestines and nothing was there except that horrible constipation feeling. As I sat there the only thing that came out was a huge fart! and juicy squirts. So I decided that if I took a huge breath and pushed with all my might, that it just might come out, but...it didn't. I sat there for at least 10 mins pushing, then after about 5 more minutes my face was probalby as red as an apple, and I started getting tired. There was only about 10 more mins until church got out and I didnt want anyone to walk in. I had been sitting there for so long my butt had toilet seat marks and my butt was sticking to the seat, it was clammy!
Anyway to make a long story short I ended up with never pooping, I was just to constipated and decided to just wait until I got home and took a laxative. So if your reading this and you have problems with constipation, remember...your not the only one!
Anyways, to make a long story short, after I read this, I decided she's not my dream girl anymore. I decided not to ask for her hand in marriage. She makes me sick.
Plus, I don't want my future wife to hog up the bathroom all the time with her "clammy" ass.
