12:29 a.m. - 2002-01-15
Cat scratch fever
So, on my way back from Germany, I had a flight from Bonn, Germany to London, England....from London to Chicago...and then from Chicago to San Diego. Well, to make a long story short, the fucking Brits flying my plane out of London Heathrow to Chicago's O'Hare Airport took too long to cross the Atlantic, so I arrived in Chicago later than planned, and I missed my plane to San Diego. The next flight to San Diego wasn't till the following morning.
I was stuck in Chicago.
The airport payed for my hotel room at the Radisson, so, it was okay. I sorta felt like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone though. In fact, Home Alone took place in Chicago too. It was the exact same airport, Chicago O'Hare, where Macaulay Culkin's family got on their plane in the movie. Except, I wasn't home......So it was actually more like Home Alone 2, when he was staying at the hotel in New York.
The best thing about the hotel was I had it all to myself. How often do you ever have a hotel to yourself, unless you're a travelling businessman? I made the most of it by walking around the room fully naked all night long. And I did naked jumping jacks in front of my window. Chicago couldn't do shit about it either. I was unstoppable.
First thing I did in my Chicago hotel room, by the way, was to urinate....It was great to not be in an airplane bathroom. It was the first time in about 15 hours that I could piss without turbulence affecting my aim.
So, I didn't get home till January 5th...That weekend, I went out to buy a calendar for the year 2002. I was surprised....Only 5 days into the first month of 2002, and already every cool calendar was sold out. I went to every store. The only calendars still in stock were: Cocker Spaniels, J-Lo, Golf Courses, and Harry Potter.
There was really a Golf Courses calendar.
What I need is a Marilyn Monroe calendar, or some kinda cool artistic calendar.
Cocker spaniels don't do it for me.
I was so hard-up for a calendar, I probably would've even settled for a shitty Pamela Anderson Baywatch bikini calendar if I could find one. They didn't even have that. Compared to looking at a different cocker spaniel each month, the golf course thing was really starting to seem interesting.
I went home calendarless....and then the next day, in my mail, I received a free calendar. Almost as if God had heard my calendar prayers. The calendar which I received for free, and which is currently hanging on my wall is this: Purina Cat Chow (Celebrating the Purina Cat Chow Way of Life with Cat-Loving Celebrities).....
Each month shows a half-assed celebrity with their cat.
The only thing that would be better than this calendar is a calendar that has pictures of cats AND cocker spaniels playing together on golf courses. That would be brilliant calendar manufacturing.
I cheated and looked ahead at some of the months yet to come in my Purina Cat Chow calendar.
In March, it is a picture of Michael Bolton holding his cat, Weege. HOORAY!
I can't wait till March....
