10:00 p.m. - 2001-11-10
Fatty Patrol
Today, I had a pleasant reminder of how great it is to be white. I was walking down by the beach, eating some pizza, and as I approached the train tracks, the warning lights started flashing and the cautionary bells started to ring, warning all traffic and pedestrians that a train was approaching. I looked to the right, and I saw an Amtrak approaching. Not being one to pass up a daring train-dodge, I continued walking, weaving myself past the wooden barriers that lower themselves to stop traffic.
The train was going slow. I technically could've sat on the track, and finished my pizza, I think, before the train got there. But, you never know.....trains are tricky. I purposely slowed my walk, to give the train a better chance, and make the train-dodge more exhilarating. Ignoring train crossing warnings is illegal, of course, and so I made sure that no police were around. I did a 360-degree inspection, and came to the conclusion that I was safe. So, I continued past the train crossing illegally, and made it safely to the other side....where I awkwardly walked right into a motorcycle cop who was parked there.
Apparently....when I did my 360-degree police inspection, I forgot to inspect the 90-degree area directly in front of me on the other side of the tracks.
"Just what I need," I thought to myself, "a ticket for illegally crossing a train track."
The cop looked at me, lowered the visor on his helmet, turned on his sirens, and revved his engine.
"Dear lord!!" I thought, "He's pissed. He's not giving me a ticket. He's going to run me over!"
But, he didn't run me over. Instead, he drove his motorcycle across the street, to a pair of black women who had illegally crossed the tracks at the exact same time as me. I watched over my shoulder, as I continued walking. He made them stop, got off his bike, and began writing them both a ticket.
They committed the same crime as me. He actually went out of his way to drive over there to punish them, whereas he could've easily stayed in his location and given me a ticket.
The only thing I can figure is that I got off scot-free because I'm white. The cop was white too. The two ladies were fat and black.
It must've been a racial thing.
Either that, or he was writing them up for being fat.
Lord knows that's what I would do if I was a cop. I'd go on Fatty Patrol, and find any excuse to give tickets to obese slobs. If I pulled over some fat hog of a lady, I would request to do a vehicle search.
The main thing I would be searching for is food. Honestly, I'd be more pissed if I found a pizza in the vehicle than I would be if I found a Ziploc bag of cocaine. A baggie of coke deserves a verbal warning, I think.
If I found a slice of pizza in the back seat of her minivan, I'd make her step out of the vehicle, and then beat her silly with my nightstick. I'd have to beat her twice as hard as I would beat a normal woman, since her fat would cushion the blows.
