1:24 a.m. - 2001-09-27
Terror Has A New Name!
On September 11, 2001, our country was senselessly attacked by dune coons. I was tempted to write about it sooner, but, I felt that it would be unfair to the victims if I added a new entry during this time of national grief. Much like flags around the world were lowered to half-mast, I vowed to refrain from writing in my diary for a while, as a symbol of grief and remembrance. A moment of silence in my diary, so to speak.
But, since that fateful Tuesday, hundreds of people around the country have e-mailed me and requested that I add a new entry about the terrorism incident. So, now, 16 days after the attacks, I'm returning to my diary...for the fans.
Here are some sample e-mails I got from loyal fans of my diary requesting that I write about the incidents of September 11th:
Bill S. from Orem, UT writes: "Hey Edgar, I am long-time fan of your diary. I am upset that no new entries have shown up though about the World Trade Center incident. Would love to know what you think about it. Please add a new entry."
Tamara D. from Huntsville, AL writes: "hi edgar, it's tamara again. i loved talking with you again last night. i went ahead and sent you a pair of my panties in the mail today, like you asked for. you'll probably get them fri. or sat. so, you can quit bugging me about them now! but anyways, I was just wondering when you were going to write about the attacks in NY and washington. LOL! Write something new!"
Richard H. from Berkeley, CA writes: "yo ed, this is Richard. I'm a friend of Amanda's, the girl at Berkeley that you chat with all the time. She showed me your diary. It's cool shit, man. Write about the terrorist shit! It'd be funny to see what you have to say about it. Oh yeah, she told me how you asked her for a pair of her underwear. That's funny shit, dude. LOL. Later dude."
Jill R. from Yakima, WA writes: "hi edgar frog, you don't know me but i've heard about you, and i've seen your diary a lot. my roommate is Claire, the girl who sent you a pair of her panties. she's a freak! i guess you and her chat alot on AOL though. so she told me about your diary. anyways, i just wanted to see if you were planning on writing about the sad events of 9-11-01. i'd like to see what you have to say about it. ok. bye."
So, this entry is for the fans.
I hope Afghanistan rots in hell. Same with Pakistan. Actually, I hope every country rots in hell except America, Canada, and Sweden. Oh...and except for Italy, Australia, and Luxembourg. And India.
Nah, I changed my mind....I hope Luxembourg rots too.
Okay, I guess the main thing is Afghanistan......I hope they rot. But, ONLY if Osama Bin Laden is there...otherwise, Afghanistan is okay. You never know where Osama is though. What if he's in Egypt or something? We can't bomb Egypt. He's a tricky guy. You never know where he is. He's like an international spy that travels around the world and hides under false identities. So, I was thinking: Where in the world is Osama Bin Laden? And then I figured out his true identity....or should I say, I've figured out HER true identity.
After all, if you take the letters in Osama Bin Laden's name, replace the B, L, and A with a G, R, E, and C, and rearrange the letters, what do you get?
Carmen Sandiego.
That's right.
Think about it.
The FBI will be cutting me a check for this one, I'm sure of it...
