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8:11 p.m. - 2001-04-09
I am the man who will fight for your honor
Today was a good day.

I had my first experience with scat. Scat is the ancient and noble artform of defecating into another person's mouth. Popular amongst Japs, it is a pastime which predates other popular forms of Japanese entertainment, such as origami, karate, and schoolgirl upskirt photography.

I was riding my Huffy home from school, and whilst I was stopped at a red light, an elderly Asian woman, with creamy skin and eyes like fire, asked me if I would defecate in her mouth. Later in our conversation, I found out she was 73 years old. Today was her birthday.

In Japan, it is a great privilege to even be asked to defecate in another's mouth on their birthday. It is a badge of honor, which carries much respect. If I had told her no, it would've been dishonorable not only to her, but also to her family, her country, and her Japanese fishing village. I would've brought shame to her and her clan.

Not only that, but according to ancient Buddhist beliefs, a man who refuses to scat could spend an afterlife in Purgatory. His soul would be in limbo for eternity. This could've happened to me, and my first-born children could've suffered the same fate. This is according to Buddhist beliefs, where scat is taken very seriously......I knew what was at stake.

So, we went in to a back alley behind Shakey's Pizza, and I defecated into her mouth.

Some of it landed in her nostrils.

 

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